A bath in the candle light.

These are the days, where they are so long
These are the days, where I am too stressed,
that not even a gym session could solve
These are the days, where I am so tired,
but not tired enough to crash
These are the days, where I raid my bath collection
And chose the one that smells my mood,
These are the days, where I crave my Honeysuckle scented candle,
as I unwind in the warm water, that sometimes carry bubbles.

As Autumn becomes Winter,
These are the days, where I open the bathroom window
To let in the cold air,
These are the days, where I listen to sound of raindrops
To the breeze or the wind,
These are the days, where I soak into nothingness
And let my imagination sore

Claire.

Saturday nights.

It's a house that has escape into solitude. 

Each member of the household have gone their seperate ways. Confinded themselves into a room of comforts. Each member comfortable on a bed or a sofa and doing what they can, to relax on this autumn evening. 

Too cold, too long the week has been, for the crave to go out and enjoy the social events of Saturday evenings. Rebuilding the energy of our souls, ready for Monday. Whether that be playing computer games, reading a book, watching Saturday night tv. We are each doing what we like to do best. 

At one point we met in the kitchen to create a hot beverage or to grab a bottle of beer and sweets. Hot chocolate was created with whipped cream! Chocolate bars dipped to be melted. Each wrapped in a hoodie, dressing gown or cardigan. 

This is a household that loves each other company. But also enjoy our own time.  Sometimes no words are needed for a lovely autumn Saturday evening. 

Claire. 

Wellington Boots.

When it rains,

I have been mentioning the rain, the sounds it leaves on my bedroom window, that wakes me up in the early hours of the morning. I have never complained.
The rain has been coming down more, harder and leaving more than just a wet ground. Water is collecting in groups, small little groups that patches up on the ground. The more it rains, the more it joins the group, until it will becomes one large group.
The puddles that have joined us, builds upon my inner child. The desire to splash in the puddles, explore the drops that fall upon the objects we use in everyday and the beauty of the colours that become more noticeable in water. Droplets falling from the leaves, the sounds it makes as it hits the ground, the smell it leaves within the air.
When it rains, I just want to play.

It is preferable to wear our Wellington Boots. The season for Wellington Boots. Yesterday, I didn't have my Wellington Boots, so when it rained and created such big beautiful puddles. I knew I couldn't join in and splash, but to admire the souls exploring something that is remarkable from our earth.

When you hear the Rain...

This weekend, I've heard the rain.
It's been a while since I've heard the rain pounding on my bedroom window at four in the morning. For some reason it didn't cause me to be grouchy or more tired. It soothed me to know end, to just lie and listen to the soft then hard patter of raindrops against my window.
It brings me this feeling, where all I long is to relax on the sofa with a blanket to snuggle into, putting on my bunch of autumn feeling movies.
I fear when I speak of Autumn, it will become the generic sounds, the need to relax and drinking hot chocolate or tea, watching certain Halloween related films. That is what you'll hear from me, but I can promise you I save my hot chocolate for November- January. I spend my rainy days drinking Green Tea, especially after a gym session and a warm shower.


Yesterday, was no exception to my appreciating Autumn month. I woke early to the sounds of the rain, which disappeared and Mother Nature graced us with a sunshine that shone bright all day, but as the axis is tilting towards the Winter Solstice we still had the chill in the air. The morning wake up, concluded a drink of water and preparing myself for the gym. A new thing I have restarted, signing myself up to my old gym and making sure I attend again. Autumn chills, has me encouraged to receive heat through working out.
After the greatest motivational speaking I gave myself throughout my session, "I will become warm, I will become fit, I will become everything I dream." I left to go home, feeling the wind brush itself against my car. I am then in a warm shower, washing away the work out and preparing my day of movies.
This preparation led to a house cleaning session, of dusting and hovering, making sure the kitchen is rid of dirty dishes. The movies, two classics, two great autumn choices. With my Green Tea and my blanket, I settled to watch the films of Practical Magic and Labyrinth. I became absorbed, as the sun sets outside and temperature drops.
It was the interval between the two films, I found myself outside. Slippers on, cardigan wrapped tight around my waist, as I stand in the garden admiring our rose bush as I breathe in the autumn air.


I was home.
Claire.

Hello Autumn

Hello Autumn,
I didn't see you creep up on me. I have failed to notice the changing colours of the leaves and perhaps the slight change to the air. Has it actually gotten colder? Or are we still living with summer warmth?
I've failed to notice the days are slowly creeping shorter, although I wake up at 5 and it is actually dark outside.
I have failed to notice the changes around me, only noticing the changes inside me. Or perhaps I should say the lack of change within. The entirety of September has been consumed to what plans will hold, what I need to do to achieve it. That I have failed to notice the beauty of the world around me.
My five am wake up calls, has me stumbling to reach the shower in the darkness that I failed to notice has been getting deeper. The drive through the mist, that turned to fog as September draws itself to an end. I've worked and socialised. Slept and unwind, and still I never stopped to think that the season I love the most is here now. Just like the thousands around me, it's here and I never notice.
Today, England stay true to their nation and it rained like never before. The autumn air has finally turned and I felt a chill in the morning that left me wanting a wool jumper. It was today, the desire to watch Autumn/Halloween movies and curl up under my special blanket. Today, I notice the trees have now gone a beautiful orange and red colour, still with majority of green. The leaves are now on the floor, swirling in the autumn breeze that makes me want my scarves. Today, I want to put on my red lipstick and embrace the contrast it has against the ever changing leaves.
Hello Autumn, I'm sorry I never noticed you until 4th October. But I am here now and I want to embrace the dying of the summer and prepare for the cold months, the reflection before life graces itself again in Spring. I'm ready for the change Autumn. Let's do it again.

Yours human,
Claire.
x

Balloon Fiesta!

The Balloon Fiesta took place in Bristol this week. A groups us decided to go up and check it out. We faced the rain, took pictures and explored everything this place had. Typhoon and spitfires made their appearance.
We thanked the sky for holding up on the rain to show the night glow, which after a day of waiting turned out to be worth the wait. My way for explaining it, is that it is a musical show with hot fire air.
Next year, we will be just as fun.
Claire.

I've been...

Hello Lovely world!
It has been a while and I keep vowing to myself to keep writing and then I just don't.
I have some ideas that I thought would make a great Blog post, but then the idea would never come to alive. So tonight, I am going to fill them out in one post. Enjoy!

The Fault In Our Stars
Now I can't remember if I actually did a book review on this last year. A week back my sister and I went to watch it on the big screen. Exciting times, the screening was filled with pre-teen girls. We felt pressured to be mature and not cry. Crying did happen, that story just gets me every time. If you haven't heard of The Fault In Our Stars, I strongly suggest you go out and buy the book; which is at least £4 in any Asda store. Or you can pay the over priced cinema ticket and watch the film. As a book lover, read the book first. I even managed to get my mum to read it and she thought it was 'alright,' her quote not mine.

Another Murakami Novel
Most of the people who know me, knows I am a huge lover of Murakami. Just recently I have finished another novel, which makes it the 4th book of his I have read. This one was called 'Hard Boiled Wonderland and The End Of The World', it is something completely different from what I suspect Murakami normally write. Nonetheless it was still the most enjoyable read, although it took me so long to actually read it, but once I passed the 300 page mark it all made sense! Murakami is still portrayed his philosophical story telling in a more imaginative and fantasy style story, I have yet to read of his work.

Lana Del-Ray- Ultravoilet 
I recently brought a new album, I am quite amazed. Lana Del-Ray at first experience will always remind me of some diva solo artist like Beyonce or Cheryl Cole. If I was to first look at Lana Del-Ray, I would be adamant that I wouldn't like her music, that she is just another solo artist who buys her songs and not write them.
I don't actually know anything about Lana Del-Ray, if she writes her own songs or if she works with a song writer, but fortunately when I first heard of Lana Del-Ray; Video Games, I was completely smitten. That smitten feeling involved buying her first album and becoming my ultimate long car journey sing along album. Her new album that recently came out is twice as good as her first. She still brings vintage and retro music into modern times. Using old fashion tunes and mixing it with lyrics to do with love and romance of today times. Strongly suggest checking her music out if you are into that sort of thing.

George Ezra.
NEW GUY, NEW GUY. To my google+ readers, you may remember I posted a comment on BBC Radio one YouTube page when George Ezra performed in the Radio live lounge. He sounds so much older than he looks and that is why I am so addicted to his music right now. I recently brought his début album and I tell you what, it is hard to switch from Lana Del-Ray to George Ezra. His album has a great country meets Ed Sheeran feeling, he explores multi cultural music and turns them to his own tune. If you haven't heard Budapest, then I think you need to get clicking on to YouTube.

That is some things I have been enjoying and what I have done recently. Let me know what you think if you have seen/listened to or even read any of these things.
I do apologise if it seems quite rushed, I am just so tired!
Until next time!

Claire.

Lessons

Hello world!
It's been few weeks and with good reasons. I have done an impulsive decisions and decided to move out of Bristol and back home for a bit.
It all started of a dark place, that I called my bedroom. I was confined to one place due to rude and unappealing house mates. A Saturday spent with Christina, whom you all know about. We talked of our dreams, books, future plans. Spending our time chatting in bars and drinking cocktails, Christina helped me realise that what I was doing at this current moment was not the happiness I was searching for. I wasn't where I wished to be. Moving to Bristol on a pure immature act and I will never regret the decision. Moving to Bristol has taught me to love my friends and family. Although I did love them beforehand, it has taught me the value of loving someone and the importance it is.
It has also taught me how I have many flaws within myself that I need to work upon. I am a searcher for happiness, just like Dalai Lama and his achievements in inner happiness. (I need read some of his books.)
One of my greatest flaws is the impatience I have towards life. I am patient with my job, it is one of my greatest skills to be patient and with that patience the children are learning and creating their own skills. In my own mind though, I can't get over things that are not happening fast enough. Then when I planned to move to Bristol, I realised that with some work and research I can go straight away. The impatience I had felt on my stand still life, had myself whisked of to Bristol without another thought on my actions or my finances. Then I've learned that everything I have purely desired became further out of my reach because I could either not afford it, or it was just to far away from me.
Living in Bristol I was met with the purest of loneliness. I had no money to go out. I was unable to create friends as I struggled to go out and make it happen. When I went out, I felt this lack of confidence to actually do something. I have made a couple of friends and many acquaintences through work colleagues, but that was all it was. A five day week of chatting and working. My weekend because solitude, I tried to go out but I had no one to talk to. My house mates preferred to talk in their native language, which only helped this anxiety to grow of wondering, 'are they talking about me?'

Metaphorically speaking; my parents gave me a present when I was at my lowest. In order to cheer me up, they brought me a Bonsai tree. I nurtured that Bonsai Tree to my best ability, which is a big deal for someone who knows nothing about growing plants. With the Bonsai Tree, I researched everything, the type of tree it could be, what it needs to grow, everything. When I moved to Bristol, the Tree stayed behind with my parents. The Tree, well the tree started dying it became deceased.
The weekend I moved back home, I looked at the Tree and saw a new green branch growing. The Tree is still alive and is completely growing.
As I cut off the dead branches, to give the new ones a chance to grow. I thought of the tree as a symbol of my happiness, during my time in Bristol my  happiness started fading, my control let loose and my impatience only grew. Coming back and seeing new life forming in a dead Tree could only mean one thing. A new start, a new start from lessons learnt and hope. So it's time to start working hard and learn to be patient. Dreams and goals take time to achieve and they are achievable with more work and attention given.

The secrets behind the wheel

Hello readers of the world.

It is so wet in Britain. Isn't it always!? I have had to spend all morning outside in it. I was so wet and cold.

If I'm honest. I love rain. I love the sound it makes when it fall upon trees. I love the smell of the first sign of rain, after days of heat and sun. I like the feel of it dripping on to my hair and how refreshing and cleansing it is. I don't like being out in it for too long and getting soaked to the bone. 

That is why, now I am home in the warm with the window open and just listening to my tapping on the keyboard and the sound of the dipping. 

Currently really liking that word today; drip drip drip dripping. 

On the way back from work today, I was stuck in traffic. I'm always stuck in traffic, but that is just the city life for you. Boredom had already coursed through and landed deep into my soul. The lacking of concentration was building, so I did a peeking tom thing. I watched other people and what they do in their cars.

When you are in your car and it is only you in your car, (which quite a lot of us do, ozone layer people) you kind of enter this little bubble. For some unbeknown reason the outside of that car no longer counts. People can't see you in your car, so it doesn't matter. The secret bad habits come out. The picking your nose, picking a spot, having a good scratch around, farting. Listening, singing and doing a little jiggle to the music. 

Picking your nose is the common thing I see when stuck in traffic. I suppose it just gets to that point where the snot becomes too annoying! 

I have a terrible car secret. I talk to myself. I'm not crazy, before you judge me. Well you might actually judge me as crazy. But like everyone, I am in my bubble. I have isolated myself from the outside. Nothing else matters, I am in my own little world. In my car, I am far away, I am driving but with my imagination I am driving to a far away place. I talk to whoever is taking part in my imagination adventure. The truth is; I don't actually voice my conversation, but I lip it. I didn't go to my land, as I was having to much fun watching the rest of the world for a change.
That is my dirty secret of being behind the wheel. I talk to imaginary friends.
For the record, I know they aren't really there and I cannot see them. They are all in my head. I'm a dreamer.
Claire

Music.

Hello world.
I haven't written in a couple of weeks and that is generally because my head has been resembling mush.
How have you been? Readers of the world, how has it been?

Music. A couple of weeks ago, I was consumed with music. Music has always been apart of my life. From dancing in my parents living room, to singing rather poorly in my car. It is everywhere. They set the scenes to films, they are great back ground noise for parties or even when you are doing the house work.
Throughout the generations music has always altered to suit to the needs of society. Now we have so many different genres in music to choose from. If your anything like me, who has this eclectic taste in music. The list of favourite songs are endless. They define the mood of the setting, the feelings we have. They give us hope of the future, provide us with dreams we crave and they provide us with nostalgia of the people and times we miss.

It was after a long day at work and I was unwinding with a book and listening to some music. Flyleaf to be exact, if you readers would like to know. The words of the page wouldn't sink in as my mind was still replaying my actions of the day, so I resorted to just putting the book down and settle with listening to the songs that played. I was sent away. The music kind of lifted my conscious away, floating on the clouds of melodies. Eventually the lyrics are drifting away and all that is left is the tune, it plays until you are in a calm slow breathing state.. Your still listening, but it doesn't need to make sense, your too relaxed and down under to comprehend what is happening.
I haven't come back, so calm and clear like that in such a long time. A meditated feeling was released and I was relaxed for the rest of evening. If only I could do that in the morning. Music is powerful and can help you think/see/feel more clearly than before. Music can relax the soul before facing the world. Music can sooth the muscle that craves the stretch.
Music should be appreciated in different shape and form. Like the many genres.

Here's a top 10 music, that have defined me, changed me, made me believe. Helped me. (This list will always change, just as music always change)
1: O'Children- Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds.
2:Sail- Awolnation
3:All Around Me- Flyleaf
4: Future- Paramore
5:Misguided Ghost- Paramore
6:One Woman Army- Porcelain Black
7: Merry Christmas Mr.Lawrence
8:Waiting for the 7:18- Bloc Party
9: Mad World
10: Still- Daughter.

Happiness

Hello world! Happy Sunday and all that?

So, there I was in a fitting room in Zara. Trying on this top, that I saw on the hanger and wondered if it looked good on me. It's mid month and I am now in my need of saving money. I hated myself to admit, the top was fantastic! It looked great on hanger and I felt great wearing it. Suitable and stylish for many years to come in the summer.
I wanted it. My insides of being a secret shopaholic was screaming at my mind that I needed this top, that this top was the answers to all things that is wrong with my life. This top would bring me eternal happiness when being paraded around town.
My mind, my sweet logical thinking mind had told me no. Had reminded me that I need to save my money so I can pack up and move to a different destination. My heart and head are craving a new scene, a new adventure and new challenges. Half of it, is also wanting to run away. But most of it, is the need to live in a new scene.
The truth is; I currently hated my mind right there and then. I needed that top, I was feeling low and feminine shit. I wanted something I could take away that could cheer me up. Just like how the Sex and the City girls went shopping after every heart break they was experiencing. NB: I am still currently watching Sex and the City so correct my if I am wrong. I returned it back to the fitting room assistant, who looked mighty pissed off for working on a sunny Saturday afternoon and having someone just trying on clothes and not actually buying it. (I'm sorry for that). I made my way to sit on the centre green, just like every other young adult. The difference, I was alone and drinking water. They was with friends and drinking any alcohol that the local Sainsbury or Tesco express could offer. Jealous of them and resenting my lack of purchase, I could only do what I know can cheer me up cheaply. I wrote, I had a strange dream the night before and I am still attempting to write it down. I escaped the reality and into my world and then into the world of Murakami.
Three hours later, I was seeing sense. That in two weeks, will be payday and I may just be in luck of being able to find that same top in either the shop or online and that top will be mine. I have also just saved myself some pennies to be able to have that new adventure.
Although, I still need the happiness of shopping and owning beautiful clothing. Saving and living is another bigger happiness that last a lifetime.

And then there is the happiness of dancing and singing a long to your iPod on the long walk to your shared house.
Claire

Tea Party and Rio.

Hello Readers of the world!

This weekend I went back home to visit some friends and family. I have been looking forward to this weekend since the beginning of May, when Danielle and I arranged it.
When arranging something to do for a catch up, it can be a challenge! We couldn't decide on what we would like to do together, it was ranging from having a meal out together, to attending a sewing class together. It was when we decided that we wanted to be cheap and at least save some pennies that we decided to have a little Tea Party. Danielle very kindly played host to our tea party and I supplied the Mad Hatters Tea Hat.
Upon arriving at Danielle's and her husband home, which is situated in a cosy village. The living room filled with Marilyn Monroe pictures and lots of funky, mystical ornaments. It was a place to feel right at home with Danielle and her husband, who are both extremely kind and welcoming guest! Danielle set up her table with a gorgeous cake stand, that was filled with healthy snacks of strawberries and some yummy cakes, which I thoroughly enjoyed! You may remember reading about Danielle in my post on the Clothes Show in December. We haven't actually spent sometime together like that since then. So having some time together like we did on Saturday was just amazing!
We talked about everything and anything. Ranging from Blogs we love to read to clothes sites that are worth shopping on. Discussing about dreams and aspiration and how our working life is getting on. Danielle and I used to work together, so with respecting the confidentiality of our workforce we are able to give brief encounters on how we are getting on at our jobs. Also discussing which countries are positively working towards preventing animal cruelty. I felt we didn't discuss that at length when we did, as it is a very interesting and serious topic. It has also sparked up some interest in me and I would like to do my own research into this.
To me, Danielle is my realistic friend. She gives advice and input to ideas that I may have. She also provides that little push from her own researching and helps making me see my dreams and goals more realistically. She also has this realistic control on her own life and will do just about anything to reach what she is working towards. Danielle is an inspiration and I really do admire her. Just like all my old friends from that work place, if it wasn't from them I wouldn't of had the confidence to make the biggest move of my life. To them I will always be very grateful!
She has also given me ideas in supporting my Style Blog, mainly based around reviews of clothing and beauty. Which I will start doing immediately and do some more insight of beauty/clothing range that is out there! She has just given me fresh ideas and motivation to work towards this.

Upon leaving this amazing and fun Tea Party, which felt like walking into Wonderland and coming back to the world, to start working towards the goals that was created then and there. I then was whisked off to Bridgewater to spend sometime with another good friend of mine Elliot. Meeting Elliot through a friend from school on her birthday night out. A confider to each other on our love lives, we have spoken constantly since. Elliot had tickets to watch an unedited documentary on Rio. Which should be aired at some point on the BBC next week or so. I don't know.
Directed by Jullian Tempo, who was asked by the government of Rio to create this documentary of their city, ready for the World Cup and the Olympics. Jullian Tempo, who seemed very passionate of music created this very interesting documentary of four stories of Rio:
1, the north and richer part of Rio.
2, the southern and poorer side of Rio
3, the government
4, the music.
Watching this documentary, you was first met with this beautiful scene after scene, of how a tourist would view Rio. It even made me want to visit Rio and admire all the tourist spots. It then turned to visiting the 'slums' and how they lived, building on to the revolutionary of the 'slums' and the constant killings and trafficking. The government action to stopping this and their involvement in the 'slums', to "build the city into a better place," ready for the world cup. Then the soul and spirits being brought to you through Rio/Brazil music. This was a seriously an interesting show to watch and if you get to see it on the BBC, I recommend it!
At the end of watching this, we all had an Q&A with the director Jullian Tempo before he had to go back to London and complete his project.

Sunday was a family day.
 I knew I needed to move away and on Sunday, I was met with something that I have always wanted to feel and what I needed to feel. Pure love.
Although, I still want to move around a lot more and live my life to HOW I want to live my life, I will always know I have an awesome family and friends to fall back too. It's them that makes me happy, so while I am still soul searching about myself I still have this great family and friends back at home, who's own happiness will always be an inspiration.

It starts right now...

There has been a saying recently, that I have been overusing.

"Tomorrow, I will start...."

As soon as tomorrow comes and a days work put behind me, whatever I was meant to be starting has become, "Tomorrow, I will do this".

When I was thinking of something to write for this weeks/every other day post, (OK let's face it, when I can be bothered to write). I had many ideas in mind that was flown into the wind when I said those words, "tomorrow, I will write this post.." 
Two days later, I was still thinking; tomorrow this post will be written. It only dawned on me yesterday, that I have been putting off a lot of things. A lot of wishes, desires or life changing/working towards decisions.

Why am I still putting tasks and actions off? What is possibly going on inside my head that is stopping me from doing things? I really wasn't lying when I said I was the queen of procrastinations. But since when did I start forgetting about my self control into doing things or stopping me from doing things I shouldn't be doing.

I have only decided that I am being consumed by fear. Wanting to do things that are outside my comfort zone or outside my box. I become so overwhelmed of what could happen and inside my head they are never positives thoughts.
I want to go to university and gain an English Literature degree. Which I have decided to do something about it in January, we have now rolled into May. I have spent three months of putting it off. Only managing a course research and destinations I would like to explore and move too. I have also learned that for me to do the degree is to go back into college for a year because, they do not accept my current qualifications. Now I am in May, I have pretty much convinced myself that I have missed the student loans deadline and will have to wait another year again.
The need to take on exercising again! I keep saying this, since I moved to Bristol and have so far managed to go running ten-fifteen times. Working and being stuck in traffic for over an hour can really take it out of you physically and mentally. By the time I have reached home from the traffic, I am pretty much ready to give up on life altogether.

These are now becoming poor excuses. Am I good enough? Am I good enough to live my life the way I want to live it? Everyone says yes to that. I even say yes to it, so why am I different from that?
So I am going to CHANGE  my ways. The key word being change and not trying, because I know if I had put, "I am going to try and change my ways." Things won't get done.
Researching, reading and looking things up will be my starting right now point. Creating ad dream board and revising the wants realistically. It's to stand up and fight the "tomorrow" monster with my sword of "Getting it done now."

The war of Feminism.

The weekend was filled with beautiful weather and glorious sunshine. That I decided to take advantage of it and wear a skirt. A skater skirt to be exact and to top it off, I went bare legs. I decided to be brave enough to bare my legs in hope they gain some sun on them. For me personally I rarely show off much above the knee, but with the skater skirt we are meeting mid thigh. It was a daring approach on my behalf and I attempted the confident walk. I was nervous to walk out of the door, even though I was extremely comfortable in the outfit I have chosen.
Walking through the streets into town, I was met with longer stares from passers by, whether they was in cars, bikes or by foot. I was met by 'wolf whistles' (do we still call it that any more?), a couple of beeps of the horns.
I was enjoying this attention I was gaining. It was making me feel more confident for walking down the street. I could feel my stride being more confident, my back becoming straighter and I was holding my head up high. I was glowing in this attention and I was happy with my body that day.

(Not my legs by the way)

I was then met with conflicted emotions. Should I feel that way? I was enjoying the attention from the opposite sex that was objectifying me. I shouldn't be enjoying this. We are living in an age where women and men should be treated as equal. Shouldn't I be disgusted by this? Should I have cringed and shied away from the attention I was getting, because they was not admiring my mind or intelligence but the body I have displayed?

I then remember all the times, I have passed a man I do not know and objectify them. Admiring their built, the way their hair is and the way they have such piercing blue eyes. I'm a huge sucker for admiring dark hair and blue eyed men. It turns out, that in this age men and women are being equal with each other by admiring the bodies we have been given. There wasn't a war of feminism in the way I was being called out for braving the weather and bearing my legs. It was common. Men are still open and still like to vocalise their admiration of women. Whereas we women are still content in being more private and quiet about our admiration. Perhaps we should be more vocal like the opposite sex? Well, I don't know about you but I still prefer being secretive about it. 

So I decided to just embrace it. I felt comfortable in my own body, I was able to go out showing a little more leg than what I normally would have done. In return for my 'out of the normal' actions, I was met with in some ways an appreciative response that made me feel more comfortable and more confident in my body. I'm not saying it was appropriate, but it did for once make me feel sexy. Which is something I am not quite familiar in feeling. I turned it over for my own personal gain and made myself feel better. 

When I was thinking all this over, I kept referring back to this one 'How I Met You Mother' episode I watched. Where the gang all went to a gay bar. The boys was happy and thrilled to be gaining attention and being 'hit on' by other boys at the bar, where as the girls was happy for not gaining any attention. After awhile the boys grew tiresome of the attention and the girls soon craved for it. 

We as human beings love attention and if it means being subjected to being objectify for it, then so be it. At least we are being appreciated and if it makes you feel loads happier or more confident, then we shouldn't say no right?

Claire.

BOOK REVIEW! Fangirl!

Hello readers of the world!
I have another book review for you tonight. I have managed to finish a book. For some reason, I seem to be having a break from reading. Or I am reading books that are not really holding my interest. I really should just read books as I buy them. As that is when I have the most interest in the book.

That is what I did with this book. As soon as I brought it, I actually discarded reading Lolita, so I could read a teen romance fiction!
I am disappointed by this as well as many of you readers should be. I am not really, as I am glad I read the book as soon as I brought it, because I wouldn't be interested in it any other time.
I saw this book from some of the friends on Goodreads.com. Quite a few of them had either read this book or wanted to read this book. Also lets just face it, the title just screamed at me. "Claire, this is the book for you!"
The book; Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell.

So, a book about twin girls starting college in America. Cath and Wren, both fan girls of a series of novels called Simon Snow. Just think, Harry Potter and you will get it. In fact, just think of Simon Snow as Harry Potter. Like some teenage girls, going into women-hood of these modern times, writing fanfiction is just another way to continue the story they have loved. That is what Cath and Wren did. Also like most fanfiction, the twin girls made a pairing with the characters; Simon Snow and Baz. Manipulating the characters to create stories from their own imagination.
Starting college can be a daunting thing and for the twin girls it is. Wren tries to be the social butterfly, stopping her writing with her sister and spend a lot of time drinking and partying. Whereas Cath, who is not very sociable stayed in to continue her fanfiction writing. Lets cue a sarcastic roommate, who has a hot friend Levi. Cath now has a boyfriend. Also cue some family drama and college work drama and you have the typical teen romance novel!
Now let me tell you, it was as stereotyped as I have made it sound.
That did not stop me from being really jealous of Cath and Levi. Levi, was the perfect fictional boyfriend that anyone could ask for. Just like how Harry was the perfect hero, but still an idiot. He did everything in his power to make Cath happy, long drive back home to visit her dad in hospital to emergency dance off in the dorm room. He wanted Cath to read her fanfiction to him because he knew it helped her relaxed. He never pressured her for sex, because he knew she was a very nervous being. I honestly got so jealous of their relationship, that I was glad the book ended!
It also made me feel happy. Remembering your first love, how it felt, how he/she made you feel. The first initial attraction and the first kiss. It really did make me miss that feeling.
I do get extremely emotionally involved with books and their characters, this book was just a prime example! I am pretty sure I even shred a tear when Cath decided to lose her virginity to him... Oh oops, spoiler alert!

Ok, it's a book for teenagers. I would recommend it to my sixteen year old cousin. So it was age appropriate!

Talking....

Hello readers of the world!
It been awhile. A week I think. Oh dear.
OK, readers I have some music playing. I am sitting on my bed with my back as comfortably straight, to write this post. The back straightening attempts is going quite well when I remember to actually straighten my back and when I do, I feel this surge of confidence. So I think it is actually working. I have also notice my face looks less flabby when I am standing 'proper'.

The past couple of weeks have been involving in a lot of indulging. I have been digging out old films, mainly Peter Pan. I say that because I was watching it last night and felt nostalgic towards my youth. I have also been having Leonardo Dicaprio feelings. Whilst talking to Christina about this to some extent, as she is the 'go-to' person. I recently had a dream about Leo, where we became romantically involved and he would write me love letters, wrap them around a cup of tea. A different type of tea for each love letter. So while I would read these love letters, I was indulging in some yummy tea. Sweet eh? Also in that same dream, we had to dress Zayn Malik up in a dress and glitter because it was his birthday and Sherlock Holmes said we all couldn't leave the 'fancy' section of Debenhams because the boy being violently sick is actually a clue to his homicidal case. My dreams can never be... well base around reality. So it has been a lot of talking about Leonardo Dicaprio and watching The Great Gatsby, which since the previous year is now the only film I own with him in it. I used to have Romeo and Juliet, until I sold it because I couldn't get around the modern time cars and guns, whilst talking in Shakespearean language. I still can't. If your going to create a film in old language, the men have to wear tights!
I have also been doing some catching up reading on Elle magazine, before I have to buy the next issue. For some reason it always takes me the whole month to properly read the magazine! There is this article that I wanted to share with you readers. This is becoming a habit of mine lately? Finding an interesting article to share with you. This article is about 'your song' and no, I am not talking about the Elton John song. But a song that you would call yours. Generally because you listen to it a lot, it is your all time favourite song or it is because you relate to the song at some point in your life or it is generally your life in one song. The article has most of the staff of Elle magazine/ writers telling us what would their song be and why. This inspired me to ask EVERYONE, and I think I almost asked everyone. I just asked my brother.
Now, a lot of people struggled to answer this question, mainly because it's not really a question you would normally be asked. The answers I got though, was insightful. Except for Christina, I knew she would pick a Beatles song. I had answers ranging from Oki-koki, to the carousel song from the Oklahoma musical (I apologise if I am wrong here) , a spoon full of sugar to Help! I'm a fish, Walking in Memphis to Roar by Katy Perry.
So, what would your song be? It's your song, it can be anything you want and have any meanings to you.
My song is Mad World. I love that song, its a song that makes me sit and listen. It also has the verse "Hello, teacher tell me what's my lesson, looked right through, she looked right through me" also the "the fact that every child should, sit and listen." It's a song that I felt summed my childhood up. I look back and feel so restricted, not from the society but from my own doing. I had done what was expected from other people. It's only now that I realise, we really shouldn't give a damn.

I have also notice, that I do talk about the strangest and the most irrelevant of things. With the exception of that question. I have realised that, I will say something and then only realise that bit of information is completely irrelevant and most certainly didn't need to be shared. Example: A colleague was sharing the fact that she has a headache and would like some painkillers. I came out with, I did have some, but I put them into my other handbag.
Other than the fact, I am completely in love with my handbag my sister got me for my birthday. It was something that didn't need to be pointed out! I had a few other occurrences, where I realised that I didn't need to say what I was saying, but I did in a more professional approach. I just need to teach myself, to think before I speak more clearly..

That is pretty much sums up my post. It is completely irrelevant, except for the song part!
Bye!
Claire

The tree with many eyes.

Have you met the tree with many eyes?

The tree with many eyes are not well known or very few,  but they are ancient. You may find one in any part of the world, where you least expect it. For they hide in the deepest of places.

The tree with many eyes are visible to anybody that looks without actually seeing. The eyes are always open to anyone who sees them, for they never seem to close. 

The tree with many eyes are not harmful, they can not even move. Just like any tree, they grow with their roots in the ground and stay until the end of time. 

The tree with many eyes just observe. They observe the world of the living, of the dead. The young grow to old. The visible to the naked eye and the invisible. They have seen many things throughout the years of their lives, they preserve everything within their bark, their roots, their branches, their seasons of leaves. 

The tree with many eyes has seen everything around them. They may have even created their own judgement of the world they have seen. The changes they have witnessed during their long lives. For the judgements they may have created, will never be heard. The tree with many eyes do not have mouths and if the situation would ever arise, where the tree with many eyes feel the need to voice their judgement. A mouth will form ready to voice out, to shout out. A mouth will come and only be filled with a sprouting branch, for that tree with many eyes can not and may never let others hear that cry out. 

The tree with many eyes can only live in silence, to keep their mind, their voice in secret from what they have observed. 

The tree with many eyes are only the wallflower of the world.

Brighton sure does Rock!

Hello World!
Happy Easter to everyone. I hope you have a lovely day, doing whatever it is you do on Easter. Whether that be at the church blessing the lord and his son, or stuffing your face with chocolate.

Yesterday on the 19th of April, Christina and I decided to have a carefree Saturday of driving to Brighton. We discussed this at length during the two hour drive down to Brighton. Being in your 20's is possibly still the greatest thing to live in, we are still so carefree and innocent but still learning the life of an grown up. There are many paths to take and many choices to make at this age. Having the new found of independence, being broke, our own mind now starting to be heard, learning from mistakes and taking on the responsibility we are so used to giving to our parents. Driving long distances and creating memories with the love ones we have.

The drive, oh the drive. A glorious day, some clouds. The radio we had was blaring Bloc Party. People, if you ever need advice on the perfect road trip You do have to follow the most common advice EVERYONE gives. That is, a perfectly sunny day with warm temperature, your car, your closest and entertaining friends. Also the most favourite album you share with your friends. That ladies and gentleman creates the perfect atmosphere for a road trip.

Added bonus is the other company from other cars. We had such an adventure from a van that had three men along the way. Depends on how you see it but having three men making funny faces at you and then having one of them 'mooning' you. Christina and I knew we was in for a day of strange mishaps and new things. We never had anyone 'moon' us before, so we felt slightly out of the box. 

 There is one thing that I adore about Brighton and that is the buildings. I must be going through an architecture feelings at the moment, because all I do is admire buildings. The more aged of the building the better. Same with trees I mentioned in my previous post, they have this weathered and wisdom look. A building you know has lived through everything that has past its door. Brighton had a mixture of aged beauty as well as modern and the 'new age' style.

 Everyone had a sense of own life and own style. Everything was beautiful.

 Brighton gave of the sense of care free people on a bank holiday weekend. It amazed me how many bars there was along the sea front and how it was OK for people to hire a deck chair and relax along the beach with a drink of choice. Experiencing this, made me feel that the night life could be terrifying but exhilarating. We explored the lanes to a minor extent, it was extremely crowded for an Easter Weekend. The shops had their own quirkiness and age. It reminded me of my many times of shopping in Bath. With many winding turns and new corners to explore. The single own business, that only sales personal created objects.

Brighton is a beautiful place, with a history and feeling of a dark secret.

Claire.

Back Straight power!

Hello World.

I've been walking around lately, with the world upon my shoulders. Metaphorically speaking. My shoulders are slumping forwards, my back creating a hunch so my head and my eyes can stay downcast away from the world, the reality around me. We all know I like to escape from the reality, but recently I have been craving nothing more than being in reality with a hint of my own little world. My world hasn't even been making sense recently.
Right, I don't even know what to write here. I always want to write in a more elaborate ways and something that is far too eccentric that can't even be comprehensible. Truth is, I am becoming a bit of a slouch! My shoulders are slumping forwards, my back isn't even straight any more. Everyone who was or is close to me, know that when I do this, I am experiencing some major low self-esteem moments or having an argument with my confidence, to for once SPEAK UP.
I have been doing it a lot lately. I can feel myself doing it and I try to stop myself from doing it. Sometimes, more often than not I just feel too tired to correct my posture. I feel even more ugly than before having this hump look, because I can't put my shoulders straight.

I don't want to feel ugly with a hump on my back. I want to retrain myself to sit up straight to hold that head up high.
When I remember to do so, I feel the confidence seeping in. I have a voice, I remember who I am. Sometimes, slumping forwards is like giving up, is like forgetting who you are and who you dream to be.
I suppose what I am trying to advice myself and to advice any readers out here on this Bank Holiday Monday is to never let reality crash down on you, to crash on your shoulders with it's weight full on. To not let it weigh you down. To get back up, head held high, shoulders back and back comfortably straight. What you want to be, who you long to be. Will be.

Claire.

Can the Ticking and Tocking become to much?

Good day world!

I've had this dislike towards time for quite some time now. I can only describe it as how Captain Hook really hates the Tick-Tock clock that lives inside the crocodile. Captain Hook feared the time within the crocodile and you can say I do too. Growing older everyday, hour, minute or second. It becomes to heartbreaking. I guess what I really don't like about time, is that it is so easy to waste. I really hate the feeling of wasting time in traffic jams.
Traffic jams are like the devil himself having fun or another proof that shows the human population is becoming overbearing, (just saying, the government will claim so in a few years...). I must really hate being left to my own thoughts when I am in traffic jams, but recently my thoughts have been travelling to things I could be doing if I wasn't stuck in traffic. Being a driver, is really demanding of your undivided attention and I really struggle with that when your stuck in a stand-still! I get beeped at so many times lately in the city because I have failed to notice that the traffic has moved, but I am thinking of other things that I could be doing with my time than having to check all three mirrors, the blind spot, put the foot on the clutch and accelerate and of I go at 2 mph to then freeze for 2 minutes. I would much rather read a book or sketch or even write, just something that would make my time feel like it is worth a while.
I know, I know. I really shouldn't be complaining over the fact of driving and the easiest way to solve that problem is to take public transport. I think I hate public transport more than driving. Yes, public transport can be quicker and you can do things that are worth while. It's just that.... There are too many people on public transport and they do really get into your personal space! I would much rather be in my car going at MY* speed and not having to worry about someone being up in my grill! Also, public transport are less reliable than driving, you may never know when a train or a bus will be cancelled.
(*NB: my speed means going at the national speed limit of the zone and not being stuck within traffic and not getting anywhere, serious time wasting crap here!)

With all this pent up frustration on traffic jams this week, I have been seeking some ways to release it. As recently I have found this little woodland park just 5 minute walk from where I live. I have been taking refuge over there to just relax and take in the scenery. Depending on my mood, I would run it. I am fortunately one of those people who can't just scream/bite/punch/hit/kick to release this pent up frustration. No, I have to find some form of trees. Listening to the wind rustling through leaves or branches just some how makes me feel as if all my pent up anger and frustration float with that wind. Can this be some form of mediating and seeking inner enlightenment? I hope so!
What really amazes me and makes me feel like time can be my best friend, is when I look at the trees. There is this magnificent tree around the woodland area and it is so beautiful with age. It just looms above you with its wide trunk and roots sticking out as it searches and spreads further into the soil beneath. The branches, there are just so many, but each filled with detailed line that screams wisdom. I find the older the trees are, the more beautiful they are. Their leaves have this deep emerald green to them as if they have been sprouting just so many times. Just looking and admiring them makes me feel at peace, makes me feel that maybe an hour in traffic to get home five days a week, could actually be worth it. Could be!

Bye for now!
Claire