It starts right now...

There has been a saying recently, that I have been overusing.

"Tomorrow, I will start...."

As soon as tomorrow comes and a days work put behind me, whatever I was meant to be starting has become, "Tomorrow, I will do this".

When I was thinking of something to write for this weeks/every other day post, (OK let's face it, when I can be bothered to write). I had many ideas in mind that was flown into the wind when I said those words, "tomorrow, I will write this post.." 
Two days later, I was still thinking; tomorrow this post will be written. It only dawned on me yesterday, that I have been putting off a lot of things. A lot of wishes, desires or life changing/working towards decisions.

Why am I still putting tasks and actions off? What is possibly going on inside my head that is stopping me from doing things? I really wasn't lying when I said I was the queen of procrastinations. But since when did I start forgetting about my self control into doing things or stopping me from doing things I shouldn't be doing.

I have only decided that I am being consumed by fear. Wanting to do things that are outside my comfort zone or outside my box. I become so overwhelmed of what could happen and inside my head they are never positives thoughts.
I want to go to university and gain an English Literature degree. Which I have decided to do something about it in January, we have now rolled into May. I have spent three months of putting it off. Only managing a course research and destinations I would like to explore and move too. I have also learned that for me to do the degree is to go back into college for a year because, they do not accept my current qualifications. Now I am in May, I have pretty much convinced myself that I have missed the student loans deadline and will have to wait another year again.
The need to take on exercising again! I keep saying this, since I moved to Bristol and have so far managed to go running ten-fifteen times. Working and being stuck in traffic for over an hour can really take it out of you physically and mentally. By the time I have reached home from the traffic, I am pretty much ready to give up on life altogether.

These are now becoming poor excuses. Am I good enough? Am I good enough to live my life the way I want to live it? Everyone says yes to that. I even say yes to it, so why am I different from that?
So I am going to CHANGE  my ways. The key word being change and not trying, because I know if I had put, "I am going to try and change my ways." Things won't get done.
Researching, reading and looking things up will be my starting right now point. Creating ad dream board and revising the wants realistically. It's to stand up and fight the "tomorrow" monster with my sword of "Getting it done now."

Can the Ticking and Tocking become to much?

Good day world!

I've had this dislike towards time for quite some time now. I can only describe it as how Captain Hook really hates the Tick-Tock clock that lives inside the crocodile. Captain Hook feared the time within the crocodile and you can say I do too. Growing older everyday, hour, minute or second. It becomes to heartbreaking. I guess what I really don't like about time, is that it is so easy to waste. I really hate the feeling of wasting time in traffic jams.
Traffic jams are like the devil himself having fun or another proof that shows the human population is becoming overbearing, (just saying, the government will claim so in a few years...). I must really hate being left to my own thoughts when I am in traffic jams, but recently my thoughts have been travelling to things I could be doing if I wasn't stuck in traffic. Being a driver, is really demanding of your undivided attention and I really struggle with that when your stuck in a stand-still! I get beeped at so many times lately in the city because I have failed to notice that the traffic has moved, but I am thinking of other things that I could be doing with my time than having to check all three mirrors, the blind spot, put the foot on the clutch and accelerate and of I go at 2 mph to then freeze for 2 minutes. I would much rather read a book or sketch or even write, just something that would make my time feel like it is worth a while.
I know, I know. I really shouldn't be complaining over the fact of driving and the easiest way to solve that problem is to take public transport. I think I hate public transport more than driving. Yes, public transport can be quicker and you can do things that are worth while. It's just that.... There are too many people on public transport and they do really get into your personal space! I would much rather be in my car going at MY* speed and not having to worry about someone being up in my grill! Also, public transport are less reliable than driving, you may never know when a train or a bus will be cancelled.
(*NB: my speed means going at the national speed limit of the zone and not being stuck within traffic and not getting anywhere, serious time wasting crap here!)

With all this pent up frustration on traffic jams this week, I have been seeking some ways to release it. As recently I have found this little woodland park just 5 minute walk from where I live. I have been taking refuge over there to just relax and take in the scenery. Depending on my mood, I would run it. I am fortunately one of those people who can't just scream/bite/punch/hit/kick to release this pent up frustration. No, I have to find some form of trees. Listening to the wind rustling through leaves or branches just some how makes me feel as if all my pent up anger and frustration float with that wind. Can this be some form of mediating and seeking inner enlightenment? I hope so!
What really amazes me and makes me feel like time can be my best friend, is when I look at the trees. There is this magnificent tree around the woodland area and it is so beautiful with age. It just looms above you with its wide trunk and roots sticking out as it searches and spreads further into the soil beneath. The branches, there are just so many, but each filled with detailed line that screams wisdom. I find the older the trees are, the more beautiful they are. Their leaves have this deep emerald green to them as if they have been sprouting just so many times. Just looking and admiring them makes me feel at peace, makes me feel that maybe an hour in traffic to get home five days a week, could actually be worth it. Could be!

Bye for now!
Claire