Dreams and Shadows

Hello world!
I am sorry about the delayed posting.
I will put it in brief, but I haven't been feeling the greatest. (This is as brief as I am willing to take).

I finished this book in over a week ago and I was meant to post it online for you to see what I thought about the book.
Dreams and Shadows (a dark place to be...) by C.Robert Cargill.

A book with such an intriguing front cover that you just have to pick it up in the book shop. You question it more when you read the synopsis, you become more interested to actually find out what the story has to behold.

I actually brought this book on impulse. I'm one of those people that likes to spend hours in Waterstones on any free time to kill. I avoid it more now, as my last post came to say, I need to start saving my pennies.
So this book that I brought on impulse has actually become a great saviour to me.
I have been needing sometime to escape. I remember writing a post on how I like to escape from reality into a good book. Dreams and Shadows did exactly what I needed. Through the over description of the surroundings in the world of the book and over use of simile. I was able to create the world to dive into.

That was the thing about the book. It was over used in the description area. Once I had finished reading the author describing my surroundings I did sort of went, "Well, I am here now. I am in the world. What's going to happen now?"
It took me awhile to find the story and once I was able to look past the world that Cargill created, I jumped straight into the story and I knew I couldn't get back out.

Two characters, Ewan (Yes, named after the actor) and Colby. Ewan taken away from his parents and was swapped with a changeling, taken away to the Limestone Kingdom filled with faeries and other mystical creatures and had plans to grow up, to become one of them.
Colby a typical little boy, with a great imagination. Loved to play in the forest and create his own little fantasies of fighting kings and pirates and becoming a hero the games. Meets a djinn or a genie. The cursed djinn grants his wish of being able to see everything and saves Ewan from the plans of the faery court.
The story continues and more characters are introduced. Colby becomes some form of heroic but not quite how he would have liked to come. Sometimes, when you believe in justice so much, sacrifices has to be made.

I will tell you to read this book. After the first 100 pages you will be taken away and filled with a feeling of magic. A modern American take on magic nonetheless. You might be disappointed, you might me blown away. You will definitely be able to escape into a world that is far from reality.
If you have read this book, let me know what you thought about this book, I would love to hear your reviews also.

Money saving, WHAT?!

Good day readers of the world!

A very happy Monday to you.

There is just something that I want to give to you today, as we all know Mondays and Wednesday can be the hardest days of the week. I have also recently started reading this new book yesterday and there was a quote in it that made me want to change the truthfulness inside of it.

People smile on Fridays, something they tend not to do on any other weekdays.

I read that quote while in the work place and actually looked at everyone around and saw not one smile. It just made me want to smile, so I can give them a little hope. "Hey, it's OK that it is Monday. You know why? Because we are alive to see that Monday."
So, readers of the world. I present you with a computer style happy face. :)
Give a smile everyday of the week, it will be worth it.

 I have also been a little naive lately with the money area. This is actually going to be a long lesson to learn, but I kind of already know the outcome will be worth it. Since moving out of my family home, I have still been treating my cash flow as if I had no responsibility towards bills. Still thinking it OK to splash out on things that I don't actually need, but generally convinced it will make me happy.
No, I am not a shopaholic. Maybe I am when it comes to buying books. No, I generally do have a book addiction. But I know, I just love going around and shopping. It brings me happiness to sail through shops, trying things on and then deciding if it is worth it and then making the ultimate decision, sometimes albeit careless and impulsive decision to buy it. Now that I have entered the independent world of working, paying rent and all other bills, I have realised that I don't actually have the as much as I used to. But I still foolishly try to convince myself otherwise. Naughty.
After years of just spending and buying what I've always wanted. Grabbing a coffee in the typical Starbucks, Costa you name it. I generally thought that having all these materialistic things would be the key to happiness. It is only when it comes to the end of the month, I am realising that I am not happy but constantly stressing over things. Still, I am planning the things I want to buy when the pay day comes.
This is going to be my lesson. It is time to make some cut backs in my life, in order for me to gain that self control of the cash flow.

• Shopping? Lets try window shopping for a while, and if it gets the point where there is an item of clothing or beauty product just so happens to be a need, I will find a cheaper alternative or go into hibernation from the High-street. (Perhaps, I can start a wish list blog every month for me to become more aware of the fashion around me and not buying the things I don't actually need.)
• No, you don't need that coffee or that pit stop refresher in a coffee shop, you never talk to anyone in there anyway and you have coffee at home! 
• Waterstones and other bookshops? HAH! Claire you have 34 books on your shelf that has never been read! Get cracking my dear. Remember the library Claire, the old book smell... Oh yeah. Time to check yourself in for that again.
• Claire, did you know you could be saving at about £18 if you subscribe to your favourite magazine a year?! You didn't? Well... 

Outcomes, I would like to see;

• A newly built savings.
• A more better understanding and value towards money and money saving. I am also hoping, that with this understanding, I will have found an alternative but still stylish way of saving money. 
• A chance to move again and broaden those dreams you have.
• A holiday to places that will provide actual memories.
• An alternative to my need of seeking happiness through shopping, so maybe taking up painting again, actually write a book?! (Hey, Claire. Do you remember your bucket list?).

It's good to move on...

Good day readers of the world!

It has been a tough few days for me and I have just been thinking a lot and feeling quite philosophical with my thoughts. I have been contemplating on how to write this. I wasn't going to write this post, but a friend of mine has given me the idea and made me feel confident to actually write this and brave enough to actually post it.

I have been thinking a lot about friendships the past few days. How there are many different types of friends you can have. You would have; the best friend, that knows every possible secret and every bodily function you have, the friend that is just as close but you can't confide in or be serious with, the not so close friend where it is all about working or alcohol binging, then you have the not so close friend where they don't know much about you or you know much about them. Some of these friends would be one specific person or would be a huge cluster of human beings, (I'm sorry animal lovers.)
We have always been told to treasure our friends and our families with every ounce of love we can possibly give. These friends that we have, will always try to do anything to make you feel great about ourselves, to let us dream and to give the hope of growing confidence that our dreams will one day be met.
Friends that will be a pair of ears during your time of need, friends that will be accepting of your life decision and encourage you to follow your own path, because your happiness is vital as well as their own happiness.
Sometimes this is always not the cause, disagreements will come. Us females, bitchiness and back-stabbing is sometimes inevitable as we are so succumbed into our emotions that we can feel threaten or intimidated by the others around us. Then those falls out will happen and the whole kiss and make-up will come back. We all feel as if we have left the playground years ago, but we are still playing and sometimes someone will come and call you a 'Nickenpoop' and your ultimate reply would be; "Go away, I don't like you any more." It can't be helped, it is the way our mind works.

Another thing in life that affects your friendships, which is life in general. There are many different paths and more so now in these modern days, for a person to take. Whichever path a person take, will always affect the friendships they have. People will just drift away as both of your paths go further away from each other. Sometimes it will be a matter of opinion. Friendships will fade or conflict will arrive because you could disagree with the life paths your friends have chosen. It could also be that the path you have chosen would seem strange and abnormal to them, that the friendship will just cease as soon as you step upon that path.
As we are ever growing, our minds and body will change over time. This also affects the friendship you could have, no matter how long or old the friend may be to you. Those friends will miss the old you, and that old you will never come back and neither will that friend you once had. They could also become jealous or may find that the new you. You may have grown into is someone they find abnormal.

The beauty of friendships is that, although some will leave your life forever, or leave for months on end and may come back. There will always be new friends just around the corner, just like daffodils blossoming in the spring after those dark and cold months.
Yes, it is sad to see some go. But the ones you gain help you in your goal to be a much happier and better person you aspire to be.

Good night!
Claire.

I'm understanding feminism..

Hello world!
I do hope you had a brilliant weekend this time round. More sun, less fog. It seemed like the perfect weekend!
I think this post might be a bit serious tonight, as I just come to a realisation.

I may upset a friend writing this post, but I want to get this point across. She doesn't seem to understand my rebellion and neither do a lot of people I am involved around, such as colleagues and other close friends. This weekend I spent a couple of nights with an old school friend and her two year old daughter, it was a weekend filled with mummy and daughter and entertaining the child. 


When I saw feminism being posted upon on the internet or whilst I am reading a magazine, I would just skip right past it or read a few lines of it and scoff at it. I had always thought that feminism was overrated and a silly notion, that women should just accept the fact that men would always get paid better then we would, that our place would be in the kitchen, cooking them meals over a round belly. Reproducing and nurturing children to be respectful of the others and to guide them for the future that they are going to bring us.
I grew up with that thought, I watched my own mother do it. Tried to go back to university to study Nursing, quit college a couple of times because it was too stressful for her, with three young children around. I also watched her go back to university and complete the course and is now a nurse at the local hospital.
I remember back in Primary School, and a teacher asked us: "What do you want to be when you are older?" I remember my reply was, "settling down in Wales with a great husband and a good family." I remember my first choice, was to write books and become an author. I stopped myself saying something I have dreamed about and to say something that was expected of me. I continued on for a few years with the same attitude and the dream locked away, because the thought I would never be good enough. Other dreams came along and took it's placed, but my obsession with books still kept it's place and so did my imagination. I wanted to be a fashion designer, I wanted to continue my interest in drawing and exploring art to create beautiful things. I stupidly took Childcare for work experience, because it was the only thing they could easily get me into. They also encouraged me into that carer, because they knew I was guaranteed a job within that field and then fall in love and have those glorious children.
It was college where I realised that I was actually a human and that I can express myself through my uniquness, created some fantastic friends who admired that. But they also shared the same thoughts, to have children after a few years in Childcare. Majority of the people in that course are now happily playing family.
It was once when I entered the working world I realised I was alive and believe me, when you are presented with your own thought after having half of your life being decided upon you. It came a shock, and a huge time to process that in fact, my job is not who I am and the dreams are flooding back in.
My thought process still remained the same, keep your mouth shut and continue to work hard, do what is expected of you and never speak of your dreams. Only to do what is expected of you.

The truth is, the thought of becoming married and having children is the most revolting and disgusting thing to ever come into my mind. Yes, I have done the whole "what would you name your children?" Only because, that is generally the conversation we have at work, or what Saturday night TV is going on. Saturday night TV, is the most ugliest TV I have ever seen.
I also think that the human is becoming over populated on earth and we should lower the reproduction rate, before we can't fit.

I am now understanding Feminism so much more, because here I am with a mind, with the power of speech and although I am still learning to find my voice. 

I am now understanding that I don't need a husband in my life or children to make other people around me happy. No, I have a dream of becoming a writer and I have a fantastic imagination.

Women should now have the courage to speak their mind, to be who they want to be. Yes, that may mean becoming a wife, a mother or whoever they want to be! Everyone an every being have their own power to live the life they wish to live. Mine just so happen to be something different. 

I believe in feminism because I shouldn't have to be someone's wife or mother. 

Have you heard of this?

Good evening readers of the world!
Are we excited to be seeing Friday tomorrow? I am, that is for sure. Personally, I don't know how much I am going to write about this. I just kind of want to read my book. But I know that this post might actually hold a very huge interest or it might just freak you out. It really depends on how you see it.

Have you heard of this new way of relaxing? Something to lull your brain into something that encourages it to relax, to slow the feeling of time itself? Have you felt it the way I have been feeling it?
This new thing is also known as ASMR or Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. I stumbled upon this whilst reading Elle magazine, where the writers went into a research of this thing that has also been called 'Braingasm'? It basically relaxes and lulls the brain into a peaceful and tingling sensation, through audio and video response.

There have been a few YouTube channels, where they specialise in making videos based around ASMR, using calm whispering voices while they record themselves touching and feeling variety of objects around the home or any objects that have been know to calm a person. For example; hair stroking, the sound of bristles of a hairbrush, touching/scratching and generally feeling books, methodically folding a piece of paper or tapping a steady rhythm.
A lot of people have been using this ASMR and watching videos based around it upon YouTube as a way to help them sleep at night, to find that pleasant feeling within their mind, to release all the days stress and leave behind the big bad day.


I personally had a go at trying out ASMR at night, as I was relaxing in bed and preparing myself to sleep. Normally as I prepare to sleep, I would use my time in bed to daydream. I create loads of pictures in my head, some that are real and some that are not. To help me to lull myself to sleep, I dive into my imagination and visit the varies of worlds that I have either 1: have read in a book or 2: it something I have completely made up and I have created my own little adventure just before I sleep.
This is why, I was so happy to come across a video based around reading Alice in Wonderland. Now, we all know the story of Alice in Wonderland don't we? If you people out there reading don't? I only have one one thing to say to you, "you haven't read a book written by an author who was so high he wanted to create a smoking caterpillar?!" Just saying.
I love Alice in Wonderland, I love the story. I love how just reading it makes me value my individuality and uniqueness that others may find weird. I love Alice in Wonderland, (yes, a dedication Tattoo is forming).
Watching this video of some female talking gently to the mic and slowly ending in a whisper was enough to help me go to sleep, it reminded me of a time my Auntie Anne tried to help me and my brother and sister to sleep by talking to us in a hush tone and asking us to imagine a beautiful scene of waterfalls and fields. That was into my brother or my sister started laughing, most likely my brother because he is an asshole. (Lol, love that idiot and yes that sister too). The creator used different techniques to touching the book which could be heard and she really did give me that sense of a peaceful state of mind. It explains a lot on why, when I read a book in bed I have fallen asleep countless of times. She also used a pop-up children's version of the story, so you was able to hear the creak of card as she unfolded certain areas of the book or she would tap downwards the page as she told the story. I will tell you now, yes I dreamt of having a tea party with the Mad Hatter and no, I was not on drugs.

If you think you would want to give this ago. I strongly suggest this channel to give it a whirl around.
GentleWhispering. That was the channel that held the Alice in Wonderland ASMR. She also does a variety of different ways to help you relax and go into that peaceful state of mind.

Goodbye for now!
Claire

I give you, self discipline!

Hello readers of the world!
Why a happy Tuesday to you!!
I have a problem.

My problem involves my brother, Tim.
Tim, I do have a very big bone to pick with you!
Do you remember in my previous post, about my procrastinating on The Sims 3 game? Well, since then, all I have pretty much been doing is playing The Sims 3.
I am currently obsessed! I mean, I am literally right now thinking about playing Sims 3 whilst writing this blog. Maybe because I am writing about Sims 3 that is making me want to play Sims 3.
This is where relearning the art of self discipline comes in for me. I am using the art of self discipline, (imagine a Yoda voice when I say that) to not play Sims 3 tonight, but to write this blog and then give myself a mini pampering session, to freshen my face skin up and my nails. I will also then use the time to read my book, so I have a video for it in some weeks to come.

I am currently reading  Dreams and Shadows by C.Robert Cargill. I have gone past the 50 page mark, thanks to Sims. So far, I am giving this story a good review, I am really getting addicted. But not addicted enough for it to over take The Sims 3!
Watch my video about the goodreads app on the phone, and my self challenge I have set. Which I will complete.

Another thing for me to relearn in the, (Yoda voice) Art of self discipline. Is what I eat again. Before I moved to Bristol, I was on a really good and what I consider a healthy diet. Lately it has been all about chocolate, pizza and crisps.... Not good. I will be heading back on to that again.
For those of you that do remember, yes I have failed beautifully on my lent of giving chocolate and fanfiction. Bitch, I'm not even sorry!

I remember talking to a friend of mine, who once said that they think self-discipline is overrated. I personally can see where it is he is coming from. I also felt that the movie and book of Eat Pray Love is fine example of learning a more balanced self discipline. That is something that I would like to aspire within, to be able to have a minor control and to find that inner happiness, (goodness, I am all about Yoda tonight).

I am also starting to think that maybe Sims 3 should join my many other obsession under my bed, where I  can't see it.

It's a spring time!!

Hello lovelies!
OK, I'm sorry but lovelies is definitely not something I should call you people. I mean you are all lovely, I'm sure. It's just not something I would call people that. Too enduring. I suppose because of the post I want to give you today is a little bit more on the beauty side. Creative Writing, Nailed it!

We have officially entered March for a good week now and it is time for a little spring clean. I MADE A JOKE! You guys really don't want to see my bedroom at this very moment, because I have trashed it making videos and just generally procrastinating with Sims 3. To Tim, my brother, I know you will never read this but I am currently disliking you for letting me have your Sims game. Ass hole.

Now, that was a brief notion into my life, let's get on with the post.
If you are all aware (if you aren't you are about to be), I like to explore and get creative with Make-up. I love trying out new things or just generally thinking that my face is like a huge canvas waiting for an amazing artist to come a long and make me pretty! As it turns out, I have been watching a few YouTube videos of people creating their 2014 Spring/summer look.

I like to wear something different on my face everyday if possible.

It then gave me an idea to do a little playing. I decided to create my own Spring/Summer 2014 look and this is what was created.

I'm so photogenic.

I pretty much decided on warm colours of purple and cream for this look. Wearing only a purple eye liner to keep the strangely bright eyed look.
Lipstick was a neutral look, but we all know it is more about wearing lip gloss this year. So I will be exchanging the lipstick for a lip gloss in the future.
I also have this new stained blush look from Rimmel, which I have now completely fallen head over heals for. So that one will be used a lot in the future.

I also used the Company Lashes that came free with this month Company Magazine. I thought it was amazing and totally will be looking forward to using it again.

Product I've used;

Rimmel Stay Matte primer

Wide awake Rimmel Concealer (not photographed)

Maxfactor Colour Adapt foundation

Rimmel Clear complexion powder

No7 eye shadow (sorry, doesn't say what it is called)

The colour institute Eye shadow palette (which I've stolen from my mother)

Barry M super soft eye crayon.

Company Lashes

Jelly Pong Pong Caribbean Sun Bronzer (not photographed)

Rimmel Stay blushed in pop of pink

Maxfactor lipstick in Rosewood

While we are here, I've uploaded a new video. Where I am wearing the make up all shown as above!

Toodles!

Oh For the love god.

New surroundings and spiritual growth.

Hello readers of the world.

I have been busy!

I have been busy and brought more books. Day one of not reading fanfiction and it has been slightly hard! Not going to lie, for something that you have added as part of as your routine in the morning. I did feel a bit lost. But I have also gotten ready a lot faster and more efficiently today as well.

Today on my holiday, I have been doing some exploring. Whilst during my exploring, I have found out my area of living is filled with old people, families and if I went further up the road, we will find a council estate that has loads of teen mums and scary faces in the cars! 

I have also found a lovely little woodland area, that was filled with all things mystical and enchanting.

I found a little chalice well at the end of this woodland. It wasn't the end, but the feeling of not being able to go any further came to me and I turned around and walked another way. 

I liked this place a lot, there was this spiritual feeling around it. The bench in the photo next to me, I spent hours sitting there drawing the trees right beside me. I loved it. Even closed my eyes for a while and just let my mind wonder to some unknown place. It was even at this little part, that helped me think of small ideas for a little novel that I have been toying with the past three years, but I now think I have a starting point. It has also given me a little thing to write about, whilst I was there. 

They talk and grow, becoming one as the roots combine. 

They have stories to tell and wisdom to shine upon.

The younger can only look up towards them.

The humans can only feel the age around them, 

and the youth they still are.

OK, that is not what I wrote there and then. But it was very close to it!

I've also uploaded a video to my YouTube channel, which I think you should watch. 

BYE!

Today is.... A day to STOP reading Fanfiction!

Ok, Brits! Let's get excited about this one!
Hello readers of the world!

  Today is Pancake day, or Shrove Tuesday.
Just been on Wikipedia to see what the internet has to say about Shrove Tuesday and I came across this paragraph, which I think has helped me to come to a final decision on what I am going to give up for Lent. What I am considering on giving up might actually be a very hard and poisonous thought to even comprehend. Before I go into what it is, allow me to show you the paragraph from Wikipedia;

The expression "Shrove Tuesday" comes from the word shrive, meaning "confess".^[1] Shrove Tuesday is observed by many Christians, including Anglicans, Lutherans, Methodists and Roman Catholics,^[2] who "make a special point of self-examination, of considering what wrongs they need to repent, and what amendments of life or areas of spiritual growth they especially need to ask God's help in dealing with."^[3] Being the last day before the penitential season of Lent, related popular practices, such as indulging in food that one sacrifices for the upcoming forty days, are associated with Shrove Tuesday celebrations, before commencing the fasting and religious obligations associated with Lent

**I know many can change Wikipedia information, so I'm not 100% on the accuracy of this information, but when I find the time to channel my inner religious Christianity shenanigans I will develop a better understanding, (please also note; I have no wish to channel my brought up Christianity belief and would like to stick to my constant two fights within my mind of believing in faeries and other mystical creatures as well as my belief in the big bang theory.) **

The sentence I have taken away and will attempt to implement as part of giving up something for lent **Ok, I'm British, it is apart of our culture to celebrate these things.**
"make a special point of self-examination, of considering what wrongs they need to repent, and what amendments of life or areas of spiritual growth."
This is a bit ironic, as of course I have been thinking far to much of my life and things I would need to improve on. I have been thinking of things that is preventing me, procrastinating from doing something productive. That would actually make me more happier and working towards actual life goals.
It's no common secret that I am unhappy with my life ways at the moment, and typing about them is becoming a bit of repetitive and dull thing to do.
 It is also a common knowledge that everyone finds it easier to give up food for Lent, in hope that it will help them take more self-control of their lives or to help them feel better within themselves emotionally and also physically. I mean it is normally something unhealthy when taken into addictive amount. I understand the whole self-control, there are a lot of things in life nowadays where you can feel totally out of control and it is hard to feel back on track again. I have given up bread the last two years for lent and it has helped me a lot to feel like I am in control, as well as feeling a lot more healthier.
This year though, I am taking a slightly different approach in hope that I will become more productive with my ways? Along with giving up chocolate (I have really badly indulged in chocolate within the last six months it should be criminal). I am also going to try and give up reading Fanfiction. Reading Fanfiction has provided me with an alternative escape route from reality. I have sadly become terribly addictive towards reading some disturbing and will lets face it indecent contents from some very serious strange teenage girls and boys.
I know they feel the need to write these things, to fit in, to share their love of the fandom they are apart of. For me though, I am feeling the effects of the poor grammar and the lack of imagination. I was once upon a time a very imaginative person, but lately a lot has been effected by Fanfiction. So, now is enough. Books, art, enchanting, heck even a walk through trees to rebuild this head of mine, to help me write something more better than actually whining about how unhappy my life if spiralling.

I'm basically going to concentrate upon those 5 things. (Which I should write down) in my previous post.

I am also on my holiday this week, so a good time to give this up for lent and to work on being productive with my life and to deal with it. Although the beginning of my week didn't go down to well and currently questioning life with music.
I hope you will have a new blog post everyday this week.

Happy Pancake Day my readers, eat loads, enjoy loads!
Claire.