Friday 27 June 2014

Lessons

Hello world!
It's been few weeks and with good reasons. I have done an impulsive decisions and decided to move out of Bristol and back home for a bit.
It all started of a dark place, that I called my bedroom. I was confined to one place due to rude and unappealing house mates. A Saturday spent with Christina, whom you all know about. We talked of our dreams, books, future plans. Spending our time chatting in bars and drinking cocktails, Christina helped me realise that what I was doing at this current moment was not the happiness I was searching for. I wasn't where I wished to be. Moving to Bristol on a pure immature act and I will never regret the decision. Moving to Bristol has taught me to love my friends and family. Although I did love them beforehand, it has taught me the value of loving someone and the importance it is.
It has also taught me how I have many flaws within myself that I need to work upon. I am a searcher for happiness, just like Dalai Lama and his achievements in inner happiness. (I need read some of his books.)
One of my greatest flaws is the impatience I have towards life. I am patient with my job, it is one of my greatest skills to be patient and with that patience the children are learning and creating their own skills. In my own mind though, I can't get over things that are not happening fast enough. Then when I planned to move to Bristol, I realised that with some work and research I can go straight away. The impatience I had felt on my stand still life, had myself whisked of to Bristol without another thought on my actions or my finances. Then I've learned that everything I have purely desired became further out of my reach because I could either not afford it, or it was just to far away from me.
Living in Bristol I was met with the purest of loneliness. I had no money to go out. I was unable to create friends as I struggled to go out and make it happen. When I went out, I felt this lack of confidence to actually do something. I have made a couple of friends and many acquaintences through work colleagues, but that was all it was. A five day week of chatting and working. My weekend because solitude, I tried to go out but I had no one to talk to. My house mates preferred to talk in their native language, which only helped this anxiety to grow of wondering, 'are they talking about me?'

Metaphorically speaking; my parents gave me a present when I was at my lowest. In order to cheer me up, they brought me a Bonsai tree. I nurtured that Bonsai Tree to my best ability, which is a big deal for someone who knows nothing about growing plants. With the Bonsai Tree, I researched everything, the type of tree it could be, what it needs to grow, everything. When I moved to Bristol, the Tree stayed behind with my parents. The Tree, well the tree started dying it became deceased.
The weekend I moved back home, I looked at the Tree and saw a new green branch growing. The Tree is still alive and is completely growing.
As I cut off the dead branches, to give the new ones a chance to grow. I thought of the tree as a symbol of my happiness, during my time in Bristol my  happiness started fading, my control let loose and my impatience only grew. Coming back and seeing new life forming in a dead Tree could only mean one thing. A new start, a new start from lessons learnt and hope. So it's time to start working hard and learn to be patient. Dreams and goals take time to achieve and they are achievable with more work and attention given.

Wednesday 4 June 2014

The secrets behind the wheel

Hello readers of the world.
It is so wet in Britain. Isn't it always!? I have had to spend all morning outside in it. I was so wet and cold.
If I'm honest. I love rain. I love the sound it makes when it fall upon trees. I love the smell of the first sign of rain, after days of heat and sun. I like the feel of it dripping on to my hair and how refreshing and cleansing it is. I don't like being out in it for too long and getting soaked to the bone. 
That is why, now I am home in the warm with the window open and just listening to my tapping on the keyboard and the sound of the dipping. 
Currently really liking that word today; drip drip drip dripping. 

On the way back from work today, I was stuck in traffic. I'm always stuck in traffic, but that is just the city life for you. Boredom had already coursed through and landed deep into my soul. The lacking of concentration was building, so I did a peeking tom thing. I watched other people and what they do in their cars.
When you are in your car and it is only you in your car, (which quite a lot of us do, ozone layer people) you kind of enter this little bubble. For some unbeknown reason the outside of that car no longer counts. People can't see you in your car, so it doesn't matter. The secret bad habits come out. The picking your nose, picking a spot, having a good scratch around, farting. Listening, singing and doing a little jiggle to the music. 
Picking your nose is the common thing I see when stuck in traffic. I suppose it just gets to that point where the snot becomes too annoying! 

I have a terrible car secret. I talk to myself. I'm not crazy, before you judge me. Well you might actually judge me as crazy. But like everyone, I am in my bubble. I have isolated myself from the outside. Nothing else matters, I am in my own little world. In my car, I am far away, I am driving but with my imagination I am driving to a far away place. I talk to whoever is taking part in my imagination adventure. The truth is; I don't actually voice my conversation, but I lip it. I didn't go to my land, as I was having to much fun watching the rest of the world for a change.
That is my dirty secret of being behind the wheel. I talk to imaginary friends.
For the record, I know they aren't really there and I cannot see them. They are all in my head. I'm a dreamer.
Claire

Monday 2 June 2014

Music.

Hello world.
I haven't written in a couple of weeks and that is generally because my head has been resembling mush.
How have you been? Readers of the world, how has it been?

Music. A couple of weeks ago, I was consumed with music. Music has always been apart of my life. From dancing in my parents living room, to singing rather poorly in my car. It is everywhere. They set the scenes to films, they are great back ground noise for parties or even when you are doing the house work.
Throughout the generations music has always altered to suit to the needs of society. Now we have so many different genres in music to choose from. If your anything like me, who has this eclectic taste in music. The list of favourite songs are endless. They define the mood of the setting, the feelings we have. They give us hope of the future, provide us with dreams we crave and they provide us with nostalgia of the people and times we miss.

It was after a long day at work and I was unwinding with a book and listening to some music. Flyleaf to be exact, if you readers would like to know. The words of the page wouldn't sink in as my mind was still replaying my actions of the day, so I resorted to just putting the book down and settle with listening to the songs that played. I was sent away. The music kind of lifted my conscious away, floating on the clouds of melodies. Eventually the lyrics are drifting away and all that is left is the tune, it plays until you are in a calm slow breathing state.. Your still listening, but it doesn't need to make sense, your too relaxed and down under to comprehend what is happening.
I haven't come back, so calm and clear like that in such a long time. A meditated feeling was released and I was relaxed for the rest of evening. If only I could do that in the morning. Music is powerful and can help you think/see/feel more clearly than before. Music can relax the soul before facing the world. Music can sooth the muscle that craves the stretch.
Music should be appreciated in different shape and form. Like the many genres.

Here's a top 10 music, that have defined me, changed me, made me believe. Helped me. (This list will always change, just as music always change)
1: O'Children- Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds.
2:Sail- Awolnation
3:All Around Me- Flyleaf
4: Future- Paramore
5:Misguided Ghost- Paramore
6:One Woman Army- Porcelain Black
7: Merry Christmas Mr.Lawrence
8:Waiting for the 7:18- Bloc Party
9: Mad World
10: Still- Daughter.