I've been...

Hello Lovely world!
It has been a while and I keep vowing to myself to keep writing and then I just don't.
I have some ideas that I thought would make a great Blog post, but then the idea would never come to alive. So tonight, I am going to fill them out in one post. Enjoy!

The Fault In Our Stars
Now I can't remember if I actually did a book review on this last year. A week back my sister and I went to watch it on the big screen. Exciting times, the screening was filled with pre-teen girls. We felt pressured to be mature and not cry. Crying did happen, that story just gets me every time. If you haven't heard of The Fault In Our Stars, I strongly suggest you go out and buy the book; which is at least £4 in any Asda store. Or you can pay the over priced cinema ticket and watch the film. As a book lover, read the book first. I even managed to get my mum to read it and she thought it was 'alright,' her quote not mine.

Another Murakami Novel
Most of the people who know me, knows I am a huge lover of Murakami. Just recently I have finished another novel, which makes it the 4th book of his I have read. This one was called 'Hard Boiled Wonderland and The End Of The World', it is something completely different from what I suspect Murakami normally write. Nonetheless it was still the most enjoyable read, although it took me so long to actually read it, but once I passed the 300 page mark it all made sense! Murakami is still portrayed his philosophical story telling in a more imaginative and fantasy style story, I have yet to read of his work.

Lana Del-Ray- Ultravoilet 
I recently brought a new album, I am quite amazed. Lana Del-Ray at first experience will always remind me of some diva solo artist like Beyonce or Cheryl Cole. If I was to first look at Lana Del-Ray, I would be adamant that I wouldn't like her music, that she is just another solo artist who buys her songs and not write them.
I don't actually know anything about Lana Del-Ray, if she writes her own songs or if she works with a song writer, but fortunately when I first heard of Lana Del-Ray; Video Games, I was completely smitten. That smitten feeling involved buying her first album and becoming my ultimate long car journey sing along album. Her new album that recently came out is twice as good as her first. She still brings vintage and retro music into modern times. Using old fashion tunes and mixing it with lyrics to do with love and romance of today times. Strongly suggest checking her music out if you are into that sort of thing.

George Ezra.
NEW GUY, NEW GUY. To my google+ readers, you may remember I posted a comment on BBC Radio one YouTube page when George Ezra performed in the Radio live lounge. He sounds so much older than he looks and that is why I am so addicted to his music right now. I recently brought his début album and I tell you what, it is hard to switch from Lana Del-Ray to George Ezra. His album has a great country meets Ed Sheeran feeling, he explores multi cultural music and turns them to his own tune. If you haven't heard Budapest, then I think you need to get clicking on to YouTube.

That is some things I have been enjoying and what I have done recently. Let me know what you think if you have seen/listened to or even read any of these things.
I do apologise if it seems quite rushed, I am just so tired!
Until next time!

Claire.

How about saying "Yes"?

Good evening readers of the world.

I dislike the fact that this post will be another repeat.
Another moan, another 'I need to change my life' or another I need to work on some stuff again, for myself to develop into more balanced life.
The truth is, I am a hypocrite. I haven't done anything in my previous post, I haven't been exercising regularly, I haven't even been mediating. Eating healthly? No.
Stopped reading fanfiction? Er, no.
Stopped eating chocolate? I've even laughed at myself.
Searched online for course, to develop in my career? I haven't done anything in the past eight months to help me progressed as a human being.


Everything I have said and wanted to do, I haven't done. I've moved into Bristol in September and I remember saying how I wanted to make new friends. I haven't made much friends. In fact I have been making myself more reclusive than ever before.
I have said that I would 'put myself out there' when I moved to Bristol. I'm still not quite what that even mean

How I said that I would work hard and change my ways so I can be happier. Could be happier.
I felt confident enough to speak out my mind and ended up losing a close friend over it.
The past two weeks, I have been stressing myself out. Struggling to get myself out of bed every morning as I have been deluding myself with thoughts and 'regrets' of what I haven't done with my life. A recap of looking into my Bucket List and actually thinking; "crap, I haven't done that yet!" I just wanted to cry a lot. It doesn't help that it will be my birthday on Friday, and the prospect of turning a year older and the only thing I know I am good at is: Well damn Claire, you are fucking amazing at procrastinating!. 
The deal is, I'm not going to change. What I need to do now, is to stop planning every single step of my life. My bestest buddy Christina has always been telling me this and why is it now? Now that I can feel the last crack of my porcelain skin starting to crack even deeper and fall apart, to listen to her and to try and stop myself from planning.
Come what may? Remember that Moulin Rouge song?

So, how about I start saying yes? I have isolated myself in my bedroom a bit too much. I have a newly made friend, called Dave who likes to invite me out and for some stupid reason, if it on work night I am forever saying no. I should just stop letting work control my life.
I need to stop trying to be too independent. A work colleague pointed it out to me, that I am very independent and that I should try and ask for help to help relieve some stress. It was this very work colleague, where I opened up about how I am stressing about turning a year older and feeling like I have made no achievement. The conversation led, to my past, upon my break up with the friend and how she couldn't accept my choice in life of never wanting to get married or have children. The colleague was a brilliant pair of ears and by being that pair of ears, she helped me realise that actually I have come a long way. If people knew me back when I was 16, even they would be proud.
If I could back to my 16 year old self, I would say: "Claire, that relationship is going to fuck you over and your going to struggle with love again But that is alright because you are going to learn to be independent and become proud that you are a woman, who knows what she wants in the world. Not many females get this opportunity, but you have achieved it. Word of advice though Claire, your still creating that confidence and you'll be fine, your still young and you still have this whole life ahead of you."
I've been panicking about growing a year older, because I have this silly feeling that I need to get my life sorted, to create another life. That is expected of humans. It's not. I've made my decision, I am now working on my own life. All this long term planning has actually got me so crazy and depressed, that it's been tearing me apart.
I have dream. I want to inspire people, I want to accept myself and be myself and be accepted to those who only matter. I don't want to be invisible any more and I want to see EVERYTHING.
Everyone has a voice, everyone should be heard. Everyone and everything on this earth.

I'm also pursuing this need to develop my own style and create beautiful picture through clothes.
So check out my other style Blog.- Develop the blog.

Have a nice night!
Claire

Positive Creative Approach.

Good Evening World.
No, no... This is not another post about life.


Yes, it is.
I've woken up this morning, I feel like there should be some corny pop star song in the background. Lets add One Direction-Story Of My Life. Wait, that's not quite suited. But I played it this morning as I was driving into work.
A colleague asked if I was feeling better, as last week I have developed these disgusting bags under my eyes and I was also looking ridiculously tired. Today however, I could only give this one reply. Today I am feeling "human." What could I have possibly meant by that, I was not even sure. I mean, I felt so much better than last week. But when I woke up this morning, I was still the same old unbelievably tired, but I felt better for it. Does that make my feeling 'human?' Perhaps it was just a way of saying, I am still not great emotionally, but physically I am fine. I am as humanly as I can possibly be?

Today I have been thinking, why am I here? What could I possibly do, to make a huge impact on the world. I don't know about you, but I always feel like I should be making a change, an impact, something massive for either me, someone else or a huge cluster of people.
I do enjoy driving in my car.. An inspiring time to think, but no time to write.

It also had me thinking. What used to inspire me. What did I use to do, before I started thinking like this.
The answer to that was reading. Yes, reading. To read many books, based around many lives and fictional characters. Most importantly the story behind the pages, the lesson to learn behind each little word, sentence, paragraph that was created within the author speech.


Their creative writing has inspired me to become who I want to be today. They may have learnt their lessons through their storytelling. But I have craved/learnt their lessons as well.
That is why, I now like to write and draw. It is why I want to take it one step further now. Since starting to write upon here, I have been toying with the notion of "what to write?"
When at the end of the day, what I am writing in general is more of interest and more of something that you can take away and learn from it, or become inspired.
So, the fact that I have been turning away my books for fanfiction has been a killing machine. The lack of art and belief, has led me astray.

These articles/little talks I like to call them, will be my inspiration.

GOODEVENING!
Oh and wish me luck for sleeping tonight. This morning I found a huge spider within the bath tub next to my bedroom, I swear it will join me in the night.

Repeating actions....

Hello world!
How are you all?
Have you had a good week?
Me?
Oh, how sweet of you to ask... It consisted of eating, working, sleeping.
That's it!!

This isn't a post where I want you to think, or a post where I want to read what I have been doing with my life.

This is one of those post where I could end up repeating myself again, from many of my other blogs post. I don't wish to do this. There is only so many times and ways I can say, "I wish my life was different", "existential crisis, is a pain in the ass!"
That just one way to describe my week?! I am pretty much getting tired of my own intentions and actions, I feel like I am becoming bound to this fearful, "Am I good enough?" question. Everyday, it's waking up and feeling some form of nostalgia or regret of things I have not done.

Now, to keep this post short tonight and I promise, for the time being while I am feeling this rush of adrenaline and a new sense of confidence I will be working towards a new way. A new way of happy thinking. I do not know, how I am going to be doing this. I just don't want to be repeating my ways anymore, so then my posts will not become something you've already read before.
I have a couple of interesting ideas and I am using the word, 'Article' for them. I'm excited to do this and have gain myself a hobby.
So welcome, to a new way of thinking... Hopefully.

HAVE A GOOD WEEK!