Sunday 18 May 2014

Happiness

Hello world! Happy Sunday and all that?

So, there I was in a fitting room in Zara. Trying on this top, that I saw on the hanger and wondered if it looked good on me. It's mid month and I am now in my need of saving money. I hated myself to admit, the top was fantastic! It looked great on hanger and I felt great wearing it. Suitable and stylish for many years to come in the summer.
I wanted it. My insides of being a secret shopaholic was screaming at my mind that I needed this top, that this top was the answers to all things that is wrong with my life. This top would bring me eternal happiness when being paraded around town.
My mind, my sweet logical thinking mind had told me no. Had reminded me that I need to save my money so I can pack up and move to a different destination. My heart and head are craving a new scene, a new adventure and new challenges. Half of it, is also wanting to run away. But most of it, is the need to live in a new scene.
The truth is; I currently hated my mind right there and then. I needed that top, I was feeling low and feminine shit. I wanted something I could take away that could cheer me up. Just like how the Sex and the City girls went shopping after every heart break they was experiencing. NB: I am still currently watching Sex and the City so correct my if I am wrong. I returned it back to the fitting room assistant, who looked mighty pissed off for working on a sunny Saturday afternoon and having someone just trying on clothes and not actually buying it. (I'm sorry for that). I made my way to sit on the centre green, just like every other young adult. The difference, I was alone and drinking water. They was with friends and drinking any alcohol that the local Sainsbury or Tesco express could offer. Jealous of them and resenting my lack of purchase, I could only do what I know can cheer me up cheaply. I wrote, I had a strange dream the night before and I am still attempting to write it down. I escaped the reality and into my world and then into the world of Murakami.
Three hours later, I was seeing sense. That in two weeks, will be payday and I may just be in luck of being able to find that same top in either the shop or online and that top will be mine. I have also just saved myself some pennies to be able to have that new adventure.
Although, I still need the happiness of shopping and owning beautiful clothing. Saving and living is another bigger happiness that last a lifetime.

And then there is the happiness of dancing and singing a long to your iPod on the long walk to your shared house.
Claire

Monday 12 May 2014

Tea Party and Rio.

Hello Readers of the world!

This weekend I went back home to visit some friends and family. I have been looking forward to this weekend since the beginning of May, when Danielle and I arranged it.
When arranging something to do for a catch up, it can be a challenge! We couldn't decide on what we would like to do together, it was ranging from having a meal out together, to attending a sewing class together. It was when we decided that we wanted to be cheap and at least save some pennies that we decided to have a little Tea Party. Danielle very kindly played host to our tea party and I supplied the Mad Hatters Tea Hat.
Upon arriving at Danielle's and her husband home, which is situated in a cosy village. The living room filled with Marilyn Monroe pictures and lots of funky, mystical ornaments. It was a place to feel right at home with Danielle and her husband, who are both extremely kind and welcoming guest! Danielle set up her table with a gorgeous cake stand, that was filled with healthy snacks of strawberries and some yummy cakes, which I thoroughly enjoyed! You may remember reading about Danielle in my post on the Clothes Show in December. We haven't actually spent sometime together like that since then. So having some time together like we did on Saturday was just amazing!
We talked about everything and anything. Ranging from Blogs we love to read to clothes sites that are worth shopping on. Discussing about dreams and aspiration and how our working life is getting on. Danielle and I used to work together, so with respecting the confidentiality of our workforce we are able to give brief encounters on how we are getting on at our jobs. Also discussing which countries are positively working towards preventing animal cruelty. I felt we didn't discuss that at length when we did, as it is a very interesting and serious topic. It has also sparked up some interest in me and I would like to do my own research into this.
To me, Danielle is my realistic friend. She gives advice and input to ideas that I may have. She also provides that little push from her own researching and helps making me see my dreams and goals more realistically. She also has this realistic control on her own life and will do just about anything to reach what she is working towards. Danielle is an inspiration and I really do admire her. Just like all my old friends from that work place, if it wasn't from them I wouldn't of had the confidence to make the biggest move of my life. To them I will always be very grateful!
She has also given me ideas in supporting my Style Blog, mainly based around reviews of clothing and beauty. Which I will start doing immediately and do some more insight of beauty/clothing range that is out there! She has just given me fresh ideas and motivation to work towards this.

Upon leaving this amazing and fun Tea Party, which felt like walking into Wonderland and coming back to the world, to start working towards the goals that was created then and there. I then was whisked off to Bridgewater to spend sometime with another good friend of mine Elliot. Meeting Elliot through a friend from school on her birthday night out. A confider to each other on our love lives, we have spoken constantly since. Elliot had tickets to watch an unedited documentary on Rio. Which should be aired at some point on the BBC next week or so. I don't know.
Directed by Jullian Tempo, who was asked by the government of Rio to create this documentary of their city, ready for the World Cup and the Olympics. Jullian Tempo, who seemed very passionate of music created this very interesting documentary of four stories of Rio:
1, the north and richer part of Rio.
2, the southern and poorer side of Rio
3, the government
4, the music.
Watching this documentary, you was first met with this beautiful scene after scene, of how a tourist would view Rio. It even made me want to visit Rio and admire all the tourist spots. It then turned to visiting the 'slums' and how they lived, building on to the revolutionary of the 'slums' and the constant killings and trafficking. The government action to stopping this and their involvement in the 'slums', to "build the city into a better place," ready for the world cup. Then the soul and spirits being brought to you through Rio/Brazil music. This was a seriously an interesting show to watch and if you get to see it on the BBC, I recommend it!
At the end of watching this, we all had an Q&A with the director Jullian Tempo before he had to go back to London and complete his project.

Sunday was a family day.
 I knew I needed to move away and on Sunday, I was met with something that I have always wanted to feel and what I needed to feel. Pure love.
Although, I still want to move around a lot more and live my life to HOW I want to live my life, I will always know I have an awesome family and friends to fall back too. It's them that makes me happy, so while I am still soul searching about myself I still have this great family and friends back at home, who's own happiness will always be an inspiration.

Wednesday 7 May 2014

It starts right now...

There has been a saying recently, that I have been overusing.
"Tomorrow, I will start...."
As soon as tomorrow comes and a days work put behind me, whatever I was meant to be starting has become, "Tomorrow, I will do this".

When I was thinking of something to write for this weeks/every other day post, (OK let's face it, when I can be bothered to write). I had many ideas in mind that was flown into the wind when I said those words, "tomorrow, I will write this post.." 
Two days later, I was still thinking; tomorrow this post will be written. It only dawned on me yesterday, that I have been putting off a lot of things. A lot of wishes, desires or life changing/working towards decisions.
Why am I still putting tasks and actions off? What is possibly going on inside my head that is stopping me from doing things? I really wasn't lying when I said I was the queen of procrastinations. But since when did I start forgetting about my self control into doing things or stopping me from doing things I shouldn't be doing.

I have only decided that I am being consumed by fear. Wanting to do things that are outside my comfort zone or outside my box. I become so overwhelmed of what could happen and inside my head they are never positives thoughts.
I want to go to university and gain an English Literature degree. Which I have decided to do something about it in January, we have now rolled into May. I have spent three months of putting it off. Only managing a course research and destinations I would like to explore and move too. I have also learned that for me to do the degree is to go back into college for a year because, they do not accept my current qualifications. Now I am in May, I have pretty much convinced myself that I have missed the student loans deadline and will have to wait another year again.
The need to take on exercising again! I keep saying this, since I moved to Bristol and have so far managed to go running ten-fifteen times. Working and being stuck in traffic for over an hour can really take it out of you physically and mentally. By the time I have reached home from the traffic, I am pretty much ready to give up on life altogether.

These are now becoming poor excuses. Am I good enough? Am I good enough to live my life the way I want to live it? Everyone says yes to that. I even say yes to it, so why am I different from that?
So I am going to CHANGE  my ways. The key word being change and not trying, because I know if I had put, "I am going to try and change my ways." Things won't get done.
Researching, reading and looking things up will be my starting right now point. Creating ad dream board and revising the wants realistically. It's to stand up and fight the "tomorrow" monster with my sword of "Getting it done now."

Sunday 4 May 2014

The war of Feminism.

The weekend was filled with beautiful weather and glorious sunshine. That I decided to take advantage of it and wear a skirt. A skater skirt to be exact and to top it off, I went bare legs. I decided to be brave enough to bare my legs in hope they gain some sun on them. For me personally I rarely show off much above the knee, but with the skater skirt we are meeting mid thigh. It was a daring approach on my behalf and I attempted the confident walk. I was nervous to walk out of the door, even though I was extremely comfortable in the outfit I have chosen.
Walking through the streets into town, I was met with longer stares from passers by, whether they was in cars, bikes or by foot. I was met by 'wolf whistles' (do we still call it that any more?), a couple of beeps of the horns.
I was enjoying this attention I was gaining. It was making me feel more confident for walking down the street. I could feel my stride being more confident, my back becoming straighter and I was holding my head up high. I was glowing in this attention and I was happy with my body that day.

(Not my legs by the way)

I was then met with conflicted emotions. Should I feel that way? I was enjoying the attention from the opposite sex that was objectifying me. I shouldn't be enjoying this. We are living in an age where women and men should be treated as equal. Shouldn't I be disgusted by this? Should I have cringed and shied away from the attention I was getting, because they was not admiring my mind or intelligence but the body I have displayed?
I then remember all the times, I have passed a man I do not know and objectify them. Admiring their built, the way their hair is and the way they have such piercing blue eyes. I'm a huge sucker for admiring dark hair and blue eyed men. It turns out, that in this age men and women are being equal with each other by admiring the bodies we have been given. There wasn't a war of feminism in the way I was being called out for braving the weather and bearing my legs. It was common. Men are still open and still like to vocalise their admiration of women. Whereas we women are still content in being more private and quiet about our admiration. Perhaps we should be more vocal like the opposite sex? Well, I don't know about you but I still prefer being secretive about it. 
So I decided to just embrace it. I felt comfortable in my own body, I was able to go out showing a little more leg than what I normally would have done. In return for my 'out of the normal' actions, I was met with in some ways an appreciative response that made me feel more comfortable and more confident in my body. I'm not saying it was appropriate, but it did for once make me feel sexy. Which is something I am not quite familiar in feeling. I turned it over for my own personal gain and made myself feel better. 
When I was thinking all this over, I kept referring back to this one 'How I Met You Mother' episode I watched. Where the gang all went to a gay bar. The boys was happy and thrilled to be gaining attention and being 'hit on' by other boys at the bar, where as the girls was happy for not gaining any attention. After awhile the boys grew tiresome of the attention and the girls soon craved for it. 
We as human beings love attention and if it means being subjected to being objectify for it, then so be it. At least we are being appreciated and if it makes you feel loads happier or more confident, then we shouldn't say no right?

Claire.