BOOK REVIEW! Fangirl!

Hello readers of the world!
I have another book review for you tonight. I have managed to finish a book. For some reason, I seem to be having a break from reading. Or I am reading books that are not really holding my interest. I really should just read books as I buy them. As that is when I have the most interest in the book.

That is what I did with this book. As soon as I brought it, I actually discarded reading Lolita, so I could read a teen romance fiction!
I am disappointed by this as well as many of you readers should be. I am not really, as I am glad I read the book as soon as I brought it, because I wouldn't be interested in it any other time.
I saw this book from some of the friends on Goodreads.com. Quite a few of them had either read this book or wanted to read this book. Also lets just face it, the title just screamed at me. "Claire, this is the book for you!"
The book; Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell.

So, a book about twin girls starting college in America. Cath and Wren, both fan girls of a series of novels called Simon Snow. Just think, Harry Potter and you will get it. In fact, just think of Simon Snow as Harry Potter. Like some teenage girls, going into women-hood of these modern times, writing fanfiction is just another way to continue the story they have loved. That is what Cath and Wren did. Also like most fanfiction, the twin girls made a pairing with the characters; Simon Snow and Baz. Manipulating the characters to create stories from their own imagination.
Starting college can be a daunting thing and for the twin girls it is. Wren tries to be the social butterfly, stopping her writing with her sister and spend a lot of time drinking and partying. Whereas Cath, who is not very sociable stayed in to continue her fanfiction writing. Lets cue a sarcastic roommate, who has a hot friend Levi. Cath now has a boyfriend. Also cue some family drama and college work drama and you have the typical teen romance novel!
Now let me tell you, it was as stereotyped as I have made it sound.
That did not stop me from being really jealous of Cath and Levi. Levi, was the perfect fictional boyfriend that anyone could ask for. Just like how Harry was the perfect hero, but still an idiot. He did everything in his power to make Cath happy, long drive back home to visit her dad in hospital to emergency dance off in the dorm room. He wanted Cath to read her fanfiction to him because he knew it helped her relaxed. He never pressured her for sex, because he knew she was a very nervous being. I honestly got so jealous of their relationship, that I was glad the book ended!
It also made me feel happy. Remembering your first love, how it felt, how he/she made you feel. The first initial attraction and the first kiss. It really did make me miss that feeling.
I do get extremely emotionally involved with books and their characters, this book was just a prime example! I am pretty sure I even shred a tear when Cath decided to lose her virginity to him... Oh oops, spoiler alert!

Ok, it's a book for teenagers. I would recommend it to my sixteen year old cousin. So it was age appropriate!

Talking....

Hello readers of the world!
It been awhile. A week I think. Oh dear.
OK, readers I have some music playing. I am sitting on my bed with my back as comfortably straight, to write this post. The back straightening attempts is going quite well when I remember to actually straighten my back and when I do, I feel this surge of confidence. So I think it is actually working. I have also notice my face looks less flabby when I am standing 'proper'.

The past couple of weeks have been involving in a lot of indulging. I have been digging out old films, mainly Peter Pan. I say that because I was watching it last night and felt nostalgic towards my youth. I have also been having Leonardo Dicaprio feelings. Whilst talking to Christina about this to some extent, as she is the 'go-to' person. I recently had a dream about Leo, where we became romantically involved and he would write me love letters, wrap them around a cup of tea. A different type of tea for each love letter. So while I would read these love letters, I was indulging in some yummy tea. Sweet eh? Also in that same dream, we had to dress Zayn Malik up in a dress and glitter because it was his birthday and Sherlock Holmes said we all couldn't leave the 'fancy' section of Debenhams because the boy being violently sick is actually a clue to his homicidal case. My dreams can never be... well base around reality. So it has been a lot of talking about Leonardo Dicaprio and watching The Great Gatsby, which since the previous year is now the only film I own with him in it. I used to have Romeo and Juliet, until I sold it because I couldn't get around the modern time cars and guns, whilst talking in Shakespearean language. I still can't. If your going to create a film in old language, the men have to wear tights!
I have also been doing some catching up reading on Elle magazine, before I have to buy the next issue. For some reason it always takes me the whole month to properly read the magazine! There is this article that I wanted to share with you readers. This is becoming a habit of mine lately? Finding an interesting article to share with you. This article is about 'your song' and no, I am not talking about the Elton John song. But a song that you would call yours. Generally because you listen to it a lot, it is your all time favourite song or it is because you relate to the song at some point in your life or it is generally your life in one song. The article has most of the staff of Elle magazine/ writers telling us what would their song be and why. This inspired me to ask EVERYONE, and I think I almost asked everyone. I just asked my brother.
Now, a lot of people struggled to answer this question, mainly because it's not really a question you would normally be asked. The answers I got though, was insightful. Except for Christina, I knew she would pick a Beatles song. I had answers ranging from Oki-koki, to the carousel song from the Oklahoma musical (I apologise if I am wrong here) , a spoon full of sugar to Help! I'm a fish, Walking in Memphis to Roar by Katy Perry.
So, what would your song be? It's your song, it can be anything you want and have any meanings to you.
My song is Mad World. I love that song, its a song that makes me sit and listen. It also has the verse "Hello, teacher tell me what's my lesson, looked right through, she looked right through me" also the "the fact that every child should, sit and listen." It's a song that I felt summed my childhood up. I look back and feel so restricted, not from the society but from my own doing. I had done what was expected from other people. It's only now that I realise, we really shouldn't give a damn.

I have also notice, that I do talk about the strangest and the most irrelevant of things. With the exception of that question. I have realised that, I will say something and then only realise that bit of information is completely irrelevant and most certainly didn't need to be shared. Example: A colleague was sharing the fact that she has a headache and would like some painkillers. I came out with, I did have some, but I put them into my other handbag.
Other than the fact, I am completely in love with my handbag my sister got me for my birthday. It was something that didn't need to be pointed out! I had a few other occurrences, where I realised that I didn't need to say what I was saying, but I did in a more professional approach. I just need to teach myself, to think before I speak more clearly..

That is pretty much sums up my post. It is completely irrelevant, except for the song part!
Bye!
Claire

The tree with many eyes.

Have you met the tree with many eyes?

The tree with many eyes are not well known or very few,  but they are ancient. You may find one in any part of the world, where you least expect it. For they hide in the deepest of places.

The tree with many eyes are visible to anybody that looks without actually seeing. The eyes are always open to anyone who sees them, for they never seem to close. 

The tree with many eyes are not harmful, they can not even move. Just like any tree, they grow with their roots in the ground and stay until the end of time. 

The tree with many eyes just observe. They observe the world of the living, of the dead. The young grow to old. The visible to the naked eye and the invisible. They have seen many things throughout the years of their lives, they preserve everything within their bark, their roots, their branches, their seasons of leaves. 

The tree with many eyes has seen everything around them. They may have even created their own judgement of the world they have seen. The changes they have witnessed during their long lives. For the judgements they may have created, will never be heard. The tree with many eyes do not have mouths and if the situation would ever arise, where the tree with many eyes feel the need to voice their judgement. A mouth will form ready to voice out, to shout out. A mouth will come and only be filled with a sprouting branch, for that tree with many eyes can not and may never let others hear that cry out. 

The tree with many eyes can only live in silence, to keep their mind, their voice in secret from what they have observed. 

The tree with many eyes are only the wallflower of the world.

Brighton sure does Rock!

Hello World!
Happy Easter to everyone. I hope you have a lovely day, doing whatever it is you do on Easter. Whether that be at the church blessing the lord and his son, or stuffing your face with chocolate.

Yesterday on the 19th of April, Christina and I decided to have a carefree Saturday of driving to Brighton. We discussed this at length during the two hour drive down to Brighton. Being in your 20's is possibly still the greatest thing to live in, we are still so carefree and innocent but still learning the life of an grown up. There are many paths to take and many choices to make at this age. Having the new found of independence, being broke, our own mind now starting to be heard, learning from mistakes and taking on the responsibility we are so used to giving to our parents. Driving long distances and creating memories with the love ones we have.

The drive, oh the drive. A glorious day, some clouds. The radio we had was blaring Bloc Party. People, if you ever need advice on the perfect road trip You do have to follow the most common advice EVERYONE gives. That is, a perfectly sunny day with warm temperature, your car, your closest and entertaining friends. Also the most favourite album you share with your friends. That ladies and gentleman creates the perfect atmosphere for a road trip.

Added bonus is the other company from other cars. We had such an adventure from a van that had three men along the way. Depends on how you see it but having three men making funny faces at you and then having one of them 'mooning' you. Christina and I knew we was in for a day of strange mishaps and new things. We never had anyone 'moon' us before, so we felt slightly out of the box. 

 There is one thing that I adore about Brighton and that is the buildings. I must be going through an architecture feelings at the moment, because all I do is admire buildings. The more aged of the building the better. Same with trees I mentioned in my previous post, they have this weathered and wisdom look. A building you know has lived through everything that has past its door. Brighton had a mixture of aged beauty as well as modern and the 'new age' style.

 Everyone had a sense of own life and own style. Everything was beautiful.

 Brighton gave of the sense of care free people on a bank holiday weekend. It amazed me how many bars there was along the sea front and how it was OK for people to hire a deck chair and relax along the beach with a drink of choice. Experiencing this, made me feel that the night life could be terrifying but exhilarating. We explored the lanes to a minor extent, it was extremely crowded for an Easter Weekend. The shops had their own quirkiness and age. It reminded me of my many times of shopping in Bath. With many winding turns and new corners to explore. The single own business, that only sales personal created objects.

Brighton is a beautiful place, with a history and feeling of a dark secret.

Claire.

Back Straight power!

Hello World.

I've been walking around lately, with the world upon my shoulders. Metaphorically speaking. My shoulders are slumping forwards, my back creating a hunch so my head and my eyes can stay downcast away from the world, the reality around me. We all know I like to escape from the reality, but recently I have been craving nothing more than being in reality with a hint of my own little world. My world hasn't even been making sense recently.
Right, I don't even know what to write here. I always want to write in a more elaborate ways and something that is far too eccentric that can't even be comprehensible. Truth is, I am becoming a bit of a slouch! My shoulders are slumping forwards, my back isn't even straight any more. Everyone who was or is close to me, know that when I do this, I am experiencing some major low self-esteem moments or having an argument with my confidence, to for once SPEAK UP.
I have been doing it a lot lately. I can feel myself doing it and I try to stop myself from doing it. Sometimes, more often than not I just feel too tired to correct my posture. I feel even more ugly than before having this hump look, because I can't put my shoulders straight.

I don't want to feel ugly with a hump on my back. I want to retrain myself to sit up straight to hold that head up high.
When I remember to do so, I feel the confidence seeping in. I have a voice, I remember who I am. Sometimes, slumping forwards is like giving up, is like forgetting who you are and who you dream to be.
I suppose what I am trying to advice myself and to advice any readers out here on this Bank Holiday Monday is to never let reality crash down on you, to crash on your shoulders with it's weight full on. To not let it weigh you down. To get back up, head held high, shoulders back and back comfortably straight. What you want to be, who you long to be. Will be.

Claire.

Can the Ticking and Tocking become to much?

Good day world!

I've had this dislike towards time for quite some time now. I can only describe it as how Captain Hook really hates the Tick-Tock clock that lives inside the crocodile. Captain Hook feared the time within the crocodile and you can say I do too. Growing older everyday, hour, minute or second. It becomes to heartbreaking. I guess what I really don't like about time, is that it is so easy to waste. I really hate the feeling of wasting time in traffic jams.
Traffic jams are like the devil himself having fun or another proof that shows the human population is becoming overbearing, (just saying, the government will claim so in a few years...). I must really hate being left to my own thoughts when I am in traffic jams, but recently my thoughts have been travelling to things I could be doing if I wasn't stuck in traffic. Being a driver, is really demanding of your undivided attention and I really struggle with that when your stuck in a stand-still! I get beeped at so many times lately in the city because I have failed to notice that the traffic has moved, but I am thinking of other things that I could be doing with my time than having to check all three mirrors, the blind spot, put the foot on the clutch and accelerate and of I go at 2 mph to then freeze for 2 minutes. I would much rather read a book or sketch or even write, just something that would make my time feel like it is worth a while.
I know, I know. I really shouldn't be complaining over the fact of driving and the easiest way to solve that problem is to take public transport. I think I hate public transport more than driving. Yes, public transport can be quicker and you can do things that are worth while. It's just that.... There are too many people on public transport and they do really get into your personal space! I would much rather be in my car going at MY* speed and not having to worry about someone being up in my grill! Also, public transport are less reliable than driving, you may never know when a train or a bus will be cancelled.
(*NB: my speed means going at the national speed limit of the zone and not being stuck within traffic and not getting anywhere, serious time wasting crap here!)

With all this pent up frustration on traffic jams this week, I have been seeking some ways to release it. As recently I have found this little woodland park just 5 minute walk from where I live. I have been taking refuge over there to just relax and take in the scenery. Depending on my mood, I would run it. I am fortunately one of those people who can't just scream/bite/punch/hit/kick to release this pent up frustration. No, I have to find some form of trees. Listening to the wind rustling through leaves or branches just some how makes me feel as if all my pent up anger and frustration float with that wind. Can this be some form of mediating and seeking inner enlightenment? I hope so!
What really amazes me and makes me feel like time can be my best friend, is when I look at the trees. There is this magnificent tree around the woodland area and it is so beautiful with age. It just looms above you with its wide trunk and roots sticking out as it searches and spreads further into the soil beneath. The branches, there are just so many, but each filled with detailed line that screams wisdom. I find the older the trees are, the more beautiful they are. Their leaves have this deep emerald green to them as if they have been sprouting just so many times. Just looking and admiring them makes me feel at peace, makes me feel that maybe an hour in traffic to get home five days a week, could actually be worth it. Could be!

Bye for now!
Claire

Birthdays and Mad Fat Diaries.

Hello world!
I've had a birthday, I am blessed to be another year older. I have also been blessed to have made it to a quarter of a century,(I have an age and time issue, so this is a little bit sarcastic). Not a lot of people see this as an achievement, but I actually do and therefore I am feeling slightly achieved in something. I hope you readers are well too and generally feeling marvellous. Tonight for some reason, I am feeling very Miranda Hart. Excuse me if I come out with "Such Fun" at some point within this post.
On Friday 11th April, I celebrated my birthday and I dared myself to tell a stranger about it. I am sad to report that I did not tell a stranger that it was my birthday. The thought though had me contemplating on actually doing something like this as a daily thing. So I am started of light, as of tomorrow. I will try to compliment anyone or someone to bring a smile. We all need to smile on Mondays remember?
I felt my birthday had become quite spectacular, only because I was able to leave early from work, gain presents where I least expect them and also a brilliant meal with the best buddy Christina.
Now, there is a restaurant in Taunton that I strongly suggest you visit if you are ever down around that area. The place is called The Old Mexican, it in a beautiful building and I have been walking by it my whole life and have always admired the age the building looked. The restaurant includes the history but with the Mexican feel, also if you have a love for Mexican food it is possibly the only restaurant in Taunton that sales Mexican food. I will point out, there during my time there they did mess up my order and gave me chicken. Which would have been fine if I wasn't a vegetarian. The staff there was very apologetic and gave us a drink and deserts on the house, which made up for the meat incident. I didn't eat the meat, so I felt justified upon this. I will state however that although they messed up my order, the food was still brilliantly amazing and extremely yummy and I would still go back there.
I also came across an old school acquaintance. As soon as we recognise each other, well she recognised me I am pretty rubbish at knowing old faces from my school days. We started talking about what we was doing now. I just remembered seeing how much we both have progressed and developed into adulthood and how well she looked and what she was working for. I remember hating my school years, because I beautifully bullied and was on a couple of occasions still bullied after a few years of school. Just having this conversation with someone from the school and although we have not spoken during our school times, was enough to show me that people can still mature and its our own lives we only work for.

 Saturday night included a brilliant night in of yummy Dominoes pizza, wine, cocktails and movies. Yes, Frozen was the film of choice. Also another film called Because I said So, which had Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore. Diane Keaton, just always have amazing style in her movies. Cocktails resulted in Soda Water explosions!!!

Sunday was a beautiful day at the beach with my family and my brother dog! Such fun!

I also used the weekend of catching up on the Television. I have managed to catch up on the recent series of My Mad Fat Diaries. I find it funny on how much I can relate to Rae, but I suppose I used to be the little fat girl who had a dislike towards her life.
There was a scene in finale of that programme that I want to share with you. Let me explain what My Mad Fat Diary is about first. My Mad Fat Diary is about girl who was admitted to a mental hospital for self-harming, she was able to leave the hospital and then enter the 'real' world. Where she makes friends with a group of people who each have their own problems. Rae also continues to write a diary about her life events and about her therapy sessions to help improve her well-being.
The scene that I want to share with you is when Rae is attending therapy with her therapist Kester (Obviously, I know!). Rae just wants to start liking herself, to get over this hate she has for herself. So Kester kicks her to it, he tells her to imagine a time when she first started to have these feelings of hate for herself. To imagine the little girl who first started these doubts or hate about herself, sitting across from Rae right now on the sofa. Kester then tells Rae to tell that girl every fault she felt about herself and Rae couldn't do it, couldn't call the little girl all the mean names she calls herself in her head. So Kester asks Rae, what would she tell that girl? Rae reply with, "She's alright, in fact she is perfect."
A perfect starting point, to start liking yourself right now.
My advice is that advice from the scene. So whenever you are feeling 'not good enough', 'fat', 'ugly' etcetera. Just stop, take a deep breath and think about what you want to say about yourself. It's about liking yourself first, before you make others feel good about themselves.
Yes, it is still ok to have doubts about certain things. My doubts will always be my weight, but I am still 'good enough' to live my life.

Goodnight!
Claire

How about saying "Yes"?

Good evening readers of the world.

I dislike the fact that this post will be another repeat.
Another moan, another 'I need to change my life' or another I need to work on some stuff again, for myself to develop into more balanced life.
The truth is, I am a hypocrite. I haven't done anything in my previous post, I haven't been exercising regularly, I haven't even been mediating. Eating healthly? No.
Stopped reading fanfiction? Er, no.
Stopped eating chocolate? I've even laughed at myself.
Searched online for course, to develop in my career? I haven't done anything in the past eight months to help me progressed as a human being.


Everything I have said and wanted to do, I haven't done. I've moved into Bristol in September and I remember saying how I wanted to make new friends. I haven't made much friends. In fact I have been making myself more reclusive than ever before.
I have said that I would 'put myself out there' when I moved to Bristol. I'm still not quite what that even mean

How I said that I would work hard and change my ways so I can be happier. Could be happier.
I felt confident enough to speak out my mind and ended up losing a close friend over it.
The past two weeks, I have been stressing myself out. Struggling to get myself out of bed every morning as I have been deluding myself with thoughts and 'regrets' of what I haven't done with my life. A recap of looking into my Bucket List and actually thinking; "crap, I haven't done that yet!" I just wanted to cry a lot. It doesn't help that it will be my birthday on Friday, and the prospect of turning a year older and the only thing I know I am good at is: Well damn Claire, you are fucking amazing at procrastinating!. 
The deal is, I'm not going to change. What I need to do now, is to stop planning every single step of my life. My bestest buddy Christina has always been telling me this and why is it now? Now that I can feel the last crack of my porcelain skin starting to crack even deeper and fall apart, to listen to her and to try and stop myself from planning.
Come what may? Remember that Moulin Rouge song?

So, how about I start saying yes? I have isolated myself in my bedroom a bit too much. I have a newly made friend, called Dave who likes to invite me out and for some stupid reason, if it on work night I am forever saying no. I should just stop letting work control my life.
I need to stop trying to be too independent. A work colleague pointed it out to me, that I am very independent and that I should try and ask for help to help relieve some stress. It was this very work colleague, where I opened up about how I am stressing about turning a year older and feeling like I have made no achievement. The conversation led, to my past, upon my break up with the friend and how she couldn't accept my choice in life of never wanting to get married or have children. The colleague was a brilliant pair of ears and by being that pair of ears, she helped me realise that actually I have come a long way. If people knew me back when I was 16, even they would be proud.
If I could back to my 16 year old self, I would say: "Claire, that relationship is going to fuck you over and your going to struggle with love again But that is alright because you are going to learn to be independent and become proud that you are a woman, who knows what she wants in the world. Not many females get this opportunity, but you have achieved it. Word of advice though Claire, your still creating that confidence and you'll be fine, your still young and you still have this whole life ahead of you."
I've been panicking about growing a year older, because I have this silly feeling that I need to get my life sorted, to create another life. That is expected of humans. It's not. I've made my decision, I am now working on my own life. All this long term planning has actually got me so crazy and depressed, that it's been tearing me apart.
I have dream. I want to inspire people, I want to accept myself and be myself and be accepted to those who only matter. I don't want to be invisible any more and I want to see EVERYTHING.
Everyone has a voice, everyone should be heard. Everyone and everything on this earth.

I'm also pursuing this need to develop my own style and create beautiful picture through clothes.
So check out my other style Blog.- Develop the blog.

Have a nice night!
Claire

Just a girl standing in front of a boy

 Hello readers of the world!
I have another book up date review thing for you to enjoy and read!
Oh, please enjoy!
I hope all is well by the well.

This book? I brought it around Valentines and only read it a month late. I remember looking at this book in Asda. I think it was part of their sale they do every so often on chart books, you know the 2 for £7? If it wasn't apart of the sale, it was only £3.50, which is a steal in my eyes. It was a book to meet the needs of someone who wanted an easy read about 'falling love' and living that fairytale ever after.

What I didn't expect, was to fall head over heels with the book. Yes, I completely enjoyed reading this book and read it within a week.
It was one of those, 'can't put down' reads. I literally spent an entire Saturday reading the book in my bed. It was fine, I didn't have any plans. The book was literally what the front page said, hilarious, romantic and honest.
The main character.... it was written in 1st person, so I can't remember her name. She suffered from depression due to previous life traumas and finds it difficult to fall in love. Always went for the safe option, rather than a more excitable feeling of pure romance.
That was until she met Joe King, (yeah, I laughed at the name as well and so did the character). She falls head over heels with the dude. JENNY TAYLOR! Her name was Jenny Taylor, genitalia.. That was the joke in the book.

She actually leaves her fiancé for him and start a blissful relationship. Throw in a crazy best friend, some crazy adventures and a good bond development with the mother and it really did create a fantastic book.
This book had me in giggles, tears and generally smiling when I finished it. It also made me think about my own mother and how much I love her!
So mother dearest if you are reading this, I love you Kay?


The trouble with me, is that I try so hard to avoid chick flick novels because I think they are stupid and really not worth reading. What I fail to realise that sometimes during my reading craze, I just need an easy read or something light-hearted and that was what 'Just A Girl Standing In Front Of A Boy' gave me.
So give it a whirl and if have read this books, let me know what you thought about it also.
Also, I am apart of GoodReads, so find me and we can converse!
Ciao!