As, I keep telling you blogging people, that I would do an article or something based around my world of books.
The trouble is, I have been putting it off due to the art of procrastination and escapism. I have been putting off a lot of things to do with my life. The worst thing about it all is this...
TUMBLR!
I have sadly signed up to blogging sensation crazy fandom people of Tumblr.
Tumblr is a website, where people sign into it and write stuff in a form of a blog. You can follow people etc etc. It is pretty darn good.
Escapism is mental diversion by means of entertainment or recreation, as an "escape" from the perceived unpleasant or banal aspects of daily life.
To me Escapism is considered my one major flaw. My illness if you would like to call it.
I have always found a way to escape when times got too hard for me to bear.
Now I really don't want to go into the whole... This is my life monologue, but for you to get a better understanding of how I use my Escapism, I will have to go into a brief detail.
'Once upon a time,' there was this eleven year old girl, who pretty much had a standard living life style. Yes, her parents was going through a difficult time with each other, and it affected their children greatly at this time. Now you know most parents go through a number of divorces in their lifetime. My parents finally managed to settle their differences and are still fighting strong. But back at the age of eleven, the tears and heart break was just the beginning. It is also a start towards my confusion and depression state, being the typical fat pre-teenager with no idea what is going on.
It was at that joyous age, where my grand parents took me and my siblings out to watch Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stone. The first instalment of the films, the first time I heard of such fiction, (I only to realise, I actually tried reading the first chapter at school two years before hand).
Now, when I first watched that film. I felt this new feeling within my body. A feeling that I will forever be looking for in every book I read. This feeling of feeling, free, out of body, magical. A feeling where all the weight of the world has left your shoulders, you have hope and all these stress, worries, heavy negative emotions has left your world. (You might have guessed, I matured at a young age... I mean, the earliest memory I had, was me questioning why am I alive? What is my purpose of life?). That feeling is something, I have become addicted to. I feel it to things such as going for walks and listening to the wind rustling through the trees, to films, songs and mostly and importantly books. My escapism, is where I am craving this feeling.
Once I felt that feeling, I wanted more. I sat through that whole film, wide eyed and innocet. Naively concentrating on the magic that was shown. My heart broke when Harry visited the Mirror Of Erised. To not know your parents and to see them only in an object, was enough to sob! It was only until a few years later and finishing the whole seven books, I learnt the dangers to just stare at that mirror and only seeing what you wish to happen, but to never take action upon those dreams.
The film came out close to Christmas, so literally the first time on a Boxing Day, my family went out to do our first ever Boxing Day shopping (We never done this before). And I brought the first four copies of Harry Potter. That ladies and gentlemen, was the start of my escapism I read the first books within a matter of days, the second book followed, so did the third book and the forth. I was consumed I couldn't put them down. I mean, when the last three books came out, I begged my dad to stay up at midnight to go out and buy them in Asda. Great ol' Daddy did it too! (I love you for that Daddy). I followed through the films, watching them the first day they came out. My parents spoilt me with this fandom I had with Harry Potter, watching when the film first came out. Staying up to midnight to get the DVD and books.
The next form of escapism that came was the internet!!! I was about 15, when the world of habbo and the lifestyle of internet friends came along. I was consumed. I spent majority of my free time online talking to these strangers via Habbo, MSN and heck... MYSPACE!
I was supporting the whole Goth and Emo kid stereotype The start of my traditional side fridge look, that I am still supporting today.
I liked that world. Having a hard time through bullies at school and feeling I didn't belong. I struggled to find that somewhere, where I could belong. My friends at school, was either too smart or too 'silly' and enjoyed to torment each other to make themselves feel 'big'. Being online, and talking these great guys, just made my feel like I belonged somewhere. They didn't know the real me, or they knew the real me that was too scared to come out in reality. It is still something I am doing today. Well not Habbo or MySpace, because that would be considered disturbing. But through Tumblr, Twitter and Facebook. (Well Facebook is just a place to post my drunk photos).
The next set of books, that came along during my time of difficulty, was when I was losing my Grandmother to the fight of Cancer. My Granny, was like my second home. Every summer we went up to North Wales to spend a week or so within her company. It was home. I haven't been able to go up there since we scattered her ashes. I don't think I ever will. The books that I escaped to during that time was The Magician Guild Trilogy. I think every time, we had to go up to see our Granny or when my mother had to leave for ages to go and help out with her. I was in that world of Magicians and gay men. Trudi Canavan books still keeps me out of the world, years later when I moved out of my parents home for the first time, her other set of Trilogy, helped my escape of the reality of finding 'myself' and dealing with the fact I had money issues and loneliness of a quiet house.
Another book that helped me, was Howls Moving Castle.
Howls Moving Castle will always be my number one book to escape too now. Came after losing Granny and came during my college years. It also helped numerous of times when I moved out.
When I moved out, I did honestly think it was a great time for me. I was embracing my new found independence, with a close friend. I remember returning home from work and just sitting there on the sofa and just enjoying the silence. No sound from constant hum of fish tanks, no dog barking, no constant TV talking in the background. As much as I was enjoying the silence, I also realised how much I was missing them (well not as much since I moved back home).
One of the things I have came to realise when I moved out from home was the level of freedom I had. And with that level of freedom, came this hungry desire to become more than what I am doing now. I needed a change within the society of what I was doing. My writing notebooks came out, my sketchpad/ watercolours came out. I even started experimenting with Acrylics, our house had portraits of my paintings. I also found that my job became boring, it became a dead end in my career, it was time for me to move on. Which came to my new job. I love my new job, it challenged me, it gave me time to work hard, also the awesome guys made me aware of my need to escapism.
But then the world of fanfiction came into light. You see the last Harry Potter film came out, and I was just not that ready to let go. Now being a fan girl of Harry Potter, Fanfiction was just perfect. It was then moved on from that to Sherlock Holmes, to Glee.. To heck One Direction!? (THERE I ADMITTED IT!).
When I moved back home, I felt like my world was admitted into despair, I lost that independence I once had, I also lost a very close friend. But we both screwed up. I read fanfiction after fanfiction. I struggled to read through one book, I put away the art stuff, I put away my notepads. I then just turned into this auto-pilot zombie, just waking up going into work then coming home and reading fanfiction.
It wasn't until one day, a colleague of mine turn to me and said "Your type of person who, should be doing something more"
This is where it leads me today.
I have taken my escapism into account, and now trying to control it. I don't want to be someone running away from tough times. I want to make the most of my life.
I no longer want to live in this auto-pilot mode, I no long wish be a follower. Wishing I was someone else like: Harry Styles, Emma Watson, Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Little Mix, NICK GRIMSHAW! I want to be my own person, I want to be a bookseller, a travel writer, a fashion enthusiast. I want to travel the world and tell my story in a novel. I want to read more books and write my own novel.
Starting this blog is my starting point to living my dreams of writing and embracing my life, as I have always desired. Also to embrace the true me. My first steps I have taken, is applying for jobs, applying for volunteer work, within the book selling industry, I even got my notebooks back out, my journals, my sketchpad and one day my watercolours will be making an appearance. The brother and I have even started a Youtube video account, which I will be making a new video about: books!
I am looking into internship and other opportunities that will help me to write or work with books.
Escapism, should never be allowed to control your life, you should control it.
Also fan girls who write fanfiction, don't hurt me. But some of your grammar is very poor (not like I can say the same really....)!!!!
What are you going to do as your first steps to change your life and to embrace the true you?
Leave comments.
To me Escapism is considered my one major flaw. My illness if you would like to call it.
I have always found a way to escape when times got too hard for me to bear.
Now I really don't want to go into the whole... This is my life monologue, but for you to get a better understanding of how I use my Escapism, I will have to go into a brief detail.
'Once upon a time,' there was this eleven year old girl, who pretty much had a standard living life style. Yes, her parents was going through a difficult time with each other, and it affected their children greatly at this time. Now you know most parents go through a number of divorces in their lifetime. My parents finally managed to settle their differences and are still fighting strong. But back at the age of eleven, the tears and heart break was just the beginning. It is also a start towards my confusion and depression state, being the typical fat pre-teenager with no idea what is going on.
It was at that joyous age, where my grand parents took me and my siblings out to watch Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stone. The first instalment of the films, the first time I heard of such fiction, (I only to realise, I actually tried reading the first chapter at school two years before hand).
Now, when I first watched that film. I felt this new feeling within my body. A feeling that I will forever be looking for in every book I read. This feeling of feeling, free, out of body, magical. A feeling where all the weight of the world has left your shoulders, you have hope and all these stress, worries, heavy negative emotions has left your world. (You might have guessed, I matured at a young age... I mean, the earliest memory I had, was me questioning why am I alive? What is my purpose of life?). That feeling is something, I have become addicted to. I feel it to things such as going for walks and listening to the wind rustling through the trees, to films, songs and mostly and importantly books. My escapism, is where I am craving this feeling.
Once I felt that feeling, I wanted more. I sat through that whole film, wide eyed and innocet. Naively concentrating on the magic that was shown. My heart broke when Harry visited the Mirror Of Erised. To not know your parents and to see them only in an object, was enough to sob! It was only until a few years later and finishing the whole seven books, I learnt the dangers to just stare at that mirror and only seeing what you wish to happen, but to never take action upon those dreams.
The film came out close to Christmas, so literally the first time on a Boxing Day, my family went out to do our first ever Boxing Day shopping (We never done this before). And I brought the first four copies of Harry Potter. That ladies and gentlemen, was the start of my escapism I read the first books within a matter of days, the second book followed, so did the third book and the forth. I was consumed I couldn't put them down. I mean, when the last three books came out, I begged my dad to stay up at midnight to go out and buy them in Asda. Great ol' Daddy did it too! (I love you for that Daddy). I followed through the films, watching them the first day they came out. My parents spoilt me with this fandom I had with Harry Potter, watching when the film first came out. Staying up to midnight to get the DVD and books.
The next form of escapism that came was the internet!!! I was about 15, when the world of habbo and the lifestyle of internet friends came along. I was consumed. I spent majority of my free time online talking to these strangers via Habbo, MSN and heck... MYSPACE!
I was supporting the whole Goth and Emo kid stereotype The start of my traditional side fridge look, that I am still supporting today.
I liked that world. Having a hard time through bullies at school and feeling I didn't belong. I struggled to find that somewhere, where I could belong. My friends at school, was either too smart or too 'silly' and enjoyed to torment each other to make themselves feel 'big'. Being online, and talking these great guys, just made my feel like I belonged somewhere. They didn't know the real me, or they knew the real me that was too scared to come out in reality. It is still something I am doing today. Well not Habbo or MySpace, because that would be considered disturbing. But through Tumblr, Twitter and Facebook. (Well Facebook is just a place to post my drunk photos).
The next set of books, that came along during my time of difficulty, was when I was losing my Grandmother to the fight of Cancer. My Granny, was like my second home. Every summer we went up to North Wales to spend a week or so within her company. It was home. I haven't been able to go up there since we scattered her ashes. I don't think I ever will. The books that I escaped to during that time was The Magician Guild Trilogy. I think every time, we had to go up to see our Granny or when my mother had to leave for ages to go and help out with her. I was in that world of Magicians and gay men. Trudi Canavan books still keeps me out of the world, years later when I moved out of my parents home for the first time, her other set of Trilogy, helped my escape of the reality of finding 'myself' and dealing with the fact I had money issues and loneliness of a quiet house.
Another book that helped me, was Howls Moving Castle.
Howls Moving Castle will always be my number one book to escape too now. Came after losing Granny and came during my college years. It also helped numerous of times when I moved out.
When I moved out, I did honestly think it was a great time for me. I was embracing my new found independence, with a close friend. I remember returning home from work and just sitting there on the sofa and just enjoying the silence. No sound from constant hum of fish tanks, no dog barking, no constant TV talking in the background. As much as I was enjoying the silence, I also realised how much I was missing them (well not as much since I moved back home).
One of the things I have came to realise when I moved out from home was the level of freedom I had. And with that level of freedom, came this hungry desire to become more than what I am doing now. I needed a change within the society of what I was doing. My writing notebooks came out, my sketchpad/ watercolours came out. I even started experimenting with Acrylics, our house had portraits of my paintings. I also found that my job became boring, it became a dead end in my career, it was time for me to move on. Which came to my new job. I love my new job, it challenged me, it gave me time to work hard, also the awesome guys made me aware of my need to escapism.
But then the world of fanfiction came into light. You see the last Harry Potter film came out, and I was just not that ready to let go. Now being a fan girl of Harry Potter, Fanfiction was just perfect. It was then moved on from that to Sherlock Holmes, to Glee.. To heck One Direction!? (THERE I ADMITTED IT!).
When I moved back home, I felt like my world was admitted into despair, I lost that independence I once had, I also lost a very close friend. But we both screwed up. I read fanfiction after fanfiction. I struggled to read through one book, I put away the art stuff, I put away my notepads. I then just turned into this auto-pilot zombie, just waking up going into work then coming home and reading fanfiction.
It wasn't until one day, a colleague of mine turn to me and said "Your type of person who, should be doing something more"
This is where it leads me today.
I have taken my escapism into account, and now trying to control it. I don't want to be someone running away from tough times. I want to make the most of my life.
I no longer want to live in this auto-pilot mode, I no long wish be a follower. Wishing I was someone else like: Harry Styles, Emma Watson, Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Little Mix, NICK GRIMSHAW! I want to be my own person, I want to be a bookseller, a travel writer, a fashion enthusiast. I want to travel the world and tell my story in a novel. I want to read more books and write my own novel.
Starting this blog is my starting point to living my dreams of writing and embracing my life, as I have always desired. Also to embrace the true me. My first steps I have taken, is applying for jobs, applying for volunteer work, within the book selling industry, I even got my notebooks back out, my journals, my sketchpad and one day my watercolours will be making an appearance. The brother and I have even started a Youtube video account, which I will be making a new video about: books!
I am looking into internship and other opportunities that will help me to write or work with books.
Escapism, should never be allowed to control your life, you should control it.
Also fan girls who write fanfiction, don't hurt me. But some of your grammar is very poor (not like I can say the same really....)!!!!
What are you going to do as your first steps to change your life and to embrace the true you?
Leave comments.
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