How have you all been?
Me? Oh, well.... We'll get to that OK?
It's been awhile. What has it been? Two weeks?
I am truly sorry for the lack of updating, but if you would like to know. I have not let you down, I have let myself down. The general plan for 2014 was to post a lot more. I have failed my life.
Which brings me to my next point! Lets hope I stick to it, you all know I like to wander during my whatever we call it, because it is not really a rant or a moan. Lets call it our "Little Talks." They sound friendly in some cynical way.
I'll be honest, I've missed you imaginary readers! I missed writing in this.
OK, I've slipped from the point I was making.
So, there has been a couple of reasons why it has been two weeks and not every other day.
- I've moved! Again, third house to live in, within five months of moving to Bristol.. And this one might be a winner. Even though I am already trying to think of a new city move to. Suggestions please?
- The main point... I've been questioning my life again.
Yes, I have actually put myself into that roll on the floor, rocking backwards and forward, banging my head against a wall times the past couple of weeks. I really should have seen it coming, hormones, the move, the resettling in, money, the job.
I have had people and I will quote,
"Are you OK? You seem a bit down and daydreaming lately?"I would love to have replied with; "Well, no actually, I am currently questioning my existence in my life upon this universe and why am I here? Also along with thoughts of, am I good enough, Am I in the right job? Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? What Am doing with my life?"
The reply was, for those who wants to know was; "Yeah. Sorry, I'm just thinking about...*insert boring related thing to whatever it is I am actually doing*."
So..... yes. I have been really tired with just thinking about these thoughts and I just haven't really been thinking about anything else.
Whilst I have been so involved with these thoughts, the main thing I have been trying to figure out is; what am I doing with my life. The problem with that thought, is the emotion that comes with it. Being a female it can come twice as worst, give and take the time of month. To me, all I can see was all these people who had it thought out. Everyone around, on the internet, just generally EVERYWHERE, knows what they doing with their life, knows what they want to do with it, knows where they heading- whether it be falling in love, getting married, having children, travelling the world, getting that dream job, completing their life task that they was set out to do.
The truth is! They don't. You guys don't right? I mean, the ones who know where they want to go career wise is because they had the support, the knowledge all their lives. It what they have been thought to do, it's 'in their blood'! Whatever that means.
It's like I need a plan! People work well with plans.
I DON'T!
How did you get out of this trail of thoughts Claire?
Well, they come and go and I know in a few months, or in a few weeks they will come back, unless I make the ultimate change.
As you may know it is Chinese New Year this week, or does officially start tomorrow or Wednesday? Well, besides the case. You are all aware that in a New Year post, I have said that I concentrate more on my resolutions during Chinese New Year. I don't know who I want to be, or what I want to achieve out of life. But there is definitely one thing I do want to be and that is happy.
I don't want to be in one place for the rest of my life, but I know that I want a job or something that holds a very good interest in mine. Such as BOOKS!
I also want to concentrate on another interest of mine, other than books. Well another two interest of mine.
I want to get back into paintings and drawing. I really miss the days where I would spend my time drawing and then changing it into a watercolour feature.
Another one is fashion. I love fashion, I love keeping an eye on the fashion weeks and the collections provided, and with a great help from the internet and the high streets, I can keep more up to date with it all.
A new change for Claire, is finding her own style. Since living in a small quiet town, I have found the females all just copy each other fashion, which is fantastic as it helps set the trend. But what I need is something that just says, Claire. So something rebellious, enchanting and imaginative.
Rebellious, Enchanting and Imaginative. I like those three words. I think I will have them mark somewhere, so I can see them. Not like tattoos! I'm thinking maybe creating a large canvas and sticking it somewhere, or a piece of jewelry made or something.
This is where... Excuse just analysing myself. Although I need friends and time to socialise, but I also need to time to myself and doing what I love. I have had it in my head for so long, that I need to get out and stop being cooped up inside, which has forced me to go out and stop doing what I wanted to do in the first place. Lets just combine the two now, yes?
What do you think? Do you have any similar stories, and how did you get over these trail of thoughts?
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